"Wild Man" for a Neighbor?

A few experiences in my life I can't explain, except to say it may be evidence of angels, demons, faeries--some unseen world or dimension--or maybe my overactive imagination.

The earliest I remember occurred when I was around 5 years old. My mother was in and out of the hospital with heart problems, so our next-door-neighbor babysat my younger sister and I until our dad got home. We lived near a large city but technically in the county, lots of trees and big yards. Our neighbor's daughter, although 3-4 years older, always played with us.

One otherwise normal day, the 3 of us were in the neighbor's back yard when we suddenly noticed what appeared to be a man standing in a tree. He was naked except for what looked like bark or wood around his waist or maybe it was cloth. He was hairy but not overly so, and said nothing. I felt afraid yet transfixed. One of us yelled and then we all ran inside my neighbor's house.

How weird! Of course, my friend's mother saw no one when we told her, and nothing like that ever happened again. Was this real? Did we just mistake the tree service for some sort of mythic "wild man?" It was so real, and I can recall the image vividly even today. Was I just imagining things, teased by an older friend who was getting a good laugh?

Regardless, the image I've posted here reminds me of what I saw that day. This memory returned while I read Daniel Quinn's "The Holy." He wonders whether children see things that adults otherwise dismiss. I'm not sure what to believe, but then I was surprised to discover an ancient "wild man" myth. The Europeans called it "woodwose," and such creatures have been represented in churches, in pageants, on family crests and the like for centuries.

So, was it a memory from the collective unconscious? Childish imagination? Whatever, it's interesting that, without any previous knowledge, I "saw" something that other people have also "seen" over the ages.

One of life's mysteries....

Coming Out of Your Spiritual Closet: Chapter 4

What do you do when all the old beliefs and traditions just don't cut it anymore? How do you tell your friends, family, those closest to you? And how do you respect their beliefs without sacrificing or belittling your own? My choice has been to look for and appreciate the beauty within those old traditions--and yet, part of me wants to discard them completely. Every Christmas Eve, my family attends a Moravian candelight lovefeast service. It's a beautiful tradition, and I attend predominantly for my mother. The part I like the least is the sermon, with its veiled manipulations and worn-out platitudes. Fortunately, there was a new pastor this year, so he didn't have a sermon prepared. Instead we were allowed to focus on the spirit of the songs, the simple meal, the pageantry, and those elements have always held more significance for me.

But I don't yet know how to talk to others about the winter solstice event I attended. My fear about their response causes me to censor what I say and how I say it. I always leave out the most important part--what it meant to me, spiritually. I need to get over the concern that others won't understand or appreciate. Maybe they won't. I am not responsible for their reactions. Yet, I'm still discovering what that solstice event meant for me. I'm only scratching the surface, and many of the ways it resonated with me are difficult to put into words. It's not cerebral but visceral, something I feel but don't yet understand.

This is more where my spiritual path is leading me now. Returning me to something deeper within, to a more genuine, authentic--visceral--spirituality. Much of it is connected to the natural world. Playing in the woods was one of my favorite activities as a child. I always felt safe and cared for, oddly enough, and nature seemed to spark my creativity. The very first story I ever wrote was inspired by playing outside with my younger sister.

Whether I'm gazing out at the ocean or strolling through a forest, that's where I feel most alive and at peace. Over the last couple of years, I've felt drawn more and more to the natural world--to landscapes, animals, rivers and bodies of water. Along the way, a paragraph in a book will stand out, an image online, a sound byte on a TV program--these scraps stick in my soul, and as I piece them together, they're starting to form a whole picture. I seem drawn to pre-Christian traditions like druidry, to nature mythologies including the Green Man and the Horned God. The modern revival in pagan beliefs, in shamanism, these pull me closer, closer to something that feels so familiar, like a puzzle piece snapping into place.

I'm intrigued by the idea of a collective unconscious, and I wonder if this is what is at work. With my family's roots in the British Isles and Germany, I suppose it isn't surprising that I'm drawn to traditions that originated in these locations. So I want to explore this further. And I'm finding that some of these traditions open up an entirely new world to explore my masculinity and sexuality. Most of Western beliefs and Christianity cleave the body and spirit in two, but these older pagan traditions appear to allow for more variety, more unity.

So we'll see, won't we? Part of me wonders if all this isn't some silly, romantic folly, but if I don't at least take a risk, it feels like my soul might wither away.

A Brief Intermission

Regrettably, work and family obligations are limiting my time for posting during this frantic yuletide season, but I send my greetings to any visitors. I promise to return soon.

In the meantime, focus all your energy and prayers on Pakistan. Former Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto was just assassinated. She was a candidate for the upcoming presidential election and very popular. As volatile as Pakistan is, this could have serious implications....

Welcome Winter

"we have awakened!"

Bust Yer Nut for Peace

I've been looking for different things to do to mark this holiday season, the winter solstice, and these folks have a great idea: a global orgasm for peace. The idea is that we all focus our energies during an orgasm (with partner or alone) in order to end war in our world. Some may say it's silly, but if every critic would join in, just think how little time we'd have to fight each other! We'd just be too relaxed and satisfied to care.

"Peace on earth, good will to all."

http://www.globalorgasm.org/

Saudi Arabia: Hell on Earth

Just some thoughts regarding the arrest--and finally, pardon--of a rape victim and her male companion in Saudi Arabia. If you're not familiar with the story, a young woman and man were spotted together--in public--by 7 "enforcers" in the country's Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice. The thing is, conservative Islam prohibits women being anywhere near men to whom they are not related, as was the case with these two. So these "enforcers" hold them at knifepoint, then take them to a secluded spot where the girl is gang raped. (I've seen brief mention that the man was also raped but can't confirm.)

So how exactly did these "enforcers" know the two weren't related? Did they recognize them and just know? Were they under surveillance for some reason? According to the girl, she knew the man through phone conversations only but when she tried to break off this relationship, he began to threaten her. After she married someone else, he insisted she meet him and give him a photo or he would tell her family about their relationship (such as it was).

Once abducted, the "enforcers" raped her 14 times, apparently to prove how righteous they were and how sinful she was. After she was released and made it home, her brother hit her and threatened to kill her, I guess because of the shame she had brought to her family.

What kind of fucked up place is Saudi Arabia? It's so repressive that you have to "meet" potential husbands by phone, where you threaten each other with blackmail, and then are kidnapped and raped for sitting in a car! On top of that, once the authorities learned about the crimes, the girl and her companion were arrested. He was to receive 90 lashes for being with her in the car, and she eventually was to be sentenced to prison and 200 lashes for being in the car and for taking her case public.

A friend of mine said this sounds like the New England witch hunts. I know it's a different religion and culture--but I want nothing of it. And I can't respect it either. Not when individuals have no freedoms of assembly or rights that we here take for granted. No one should be a "criminal" for meeting someone in public or for talking to them over the phone. And what kind of primitive, backward religion sends "enforcers" out to track alleged sinners down and, as punishment, then allows those "enforcers" to perpetrate yet another crime to teach them a lesson? And don't get me started on the lashes or the fact that the woman's brother threatened her life!

Thank goodness for the international outcry against this violation of intrinsic individual rights. No one should ever be subjected to this kind of experience. We in America should be outraged because it goes against everything we believe and hold dear. The Saudi government and the people who allow it to continue are simply barbarians.

http://www.reuters.com/article/newsOne/idUSL199387120071219

Coming Out of Your Spiritual Closet:Chapter 3

So I suppose you need some background for all of this to make sense. Although my parents weren't really practicing Christians (i.e.--not active church members), they sent me to a Baptist school beginning in kindergarten. It was close by, and a neighbor sent his kid there, too. Knowing my dad's racist leanings, I've wondered if I went there because there were no African Americans, even though the school was smack in the middle of a predominantly black area of town. (I've asked my mom about this and she denies it.)

Some might say it was part of God's plan of salvation, but whatever the reason, I gravitated to what my teachers were telling me about Jesus. At a young age, I had what I would call a conversion experience, alone in my den while watching Billy Graham on television. As I grew, I remember simply wanting to please God and be a good Christian.

More than that, I feared going to Hell and burning alive for eternity. Doesn't sound pleasant. I remember as a kid being outside my house, and when I returned inside to look for my mother and couldn't find her, I just knew that Jesus had returned and taken everyone away in the Rapture but me! As I grew, I read the Bible quite a bit and prayed all the time. Now remember, this is all on my own. My parents were, if anything, pleased that I was such an obedient, introspective child.

Faith in Christ became a more intrinsic part of me the older I got. Was it out of some need for acceptance, divine acceptance? Maybe. In the earthly hell that was junior high, I found comfort in all the Bible verses that talk about evildoers being punished by God and the faithful being rewarded for eternity. Whenever I was the target of bullies (which was often), I clearly saw myself as one of God's faithful children and these bullies as disobedient, unfaithful heathen. The more I suffered at school, the more I turned to Christ.

And I was happy! I remember so many moments of spiritual ecstasy, hope for the future, sincere compassion and so on. I guess I needed that knowledge that Jesus loved me even if I wasn't so sure about anyone else.

In college, my faith deepened. I met so many other Christians, and there were all the good deeds to do. I never touched a drop of alcohol in college, never had sex and spent most of my weekends at prayer groups and my Spring Breaks on mission trips evangelizing the heathen. Christ was my center, the glue that held me together and my hope for the future.

And then it all unraveled. My slavish fundamentalism was becoming difficult to sustain as I entered the real world of adulthood with its shades of gray. As I matured further, all the answers I thought I had no longer satisfied all my questions. And I've always been a questioner--maybe that's why I'm a writer/journalist today.

Most significantly, Jesus wasn't helping me avert my eyes from studly men! Oh, how I prayed and lamented and pleaded. And here I thought I had been given some special strength to resist lusting after women. Silly boy. Then my college roommate's Marine brother came to visit for a week and spent most of the time in some state of undress. Even today just the thought of him sets my heart racing!

Well, there's a lot that could be said about all that, but eventually, I reconciled my Christianity with being queer. But then all the other questions just intensified: why are we here? Is there really a God? What can I trust in the Bible? Do we have souls? What happens when we die? And many more. And all my previous Bible study, ironically, didn't help. If anything, I knew too much! I had read so much that I knew the Bible didn't answer every question. I had prayed so much and attended so many church services that I began to see into the gaps.

So I read more, and the more I read, the more I began to question not just Christianity but the very existence of God. And you know what? Despite the warnings of preachers and all the other little Christian voices in my head, I'm fine. I now see a great new spiritual landscape, one full of many ideas I once entertained but was too afraid to explore fully. At times in the past, I might come across Buddhist writings or practices like meditation or yoga---warning! Gateway to Hell! Or I might see something on religious archetypes, mystery religions and connections to Christianity, Druidry, Wicca, pagan religions and, worst of all, the notion of no God at all. All aboard--the Damnation Express!

At this moment, I'm a big skeptic in all things Christian and skeptical of monotheism in general. I do believe we humans are spiritual in nature but I don't know that we have souls, something that remains after we die or that returns in another form. Spirituality is important to me, but I am now trying to decide or uncover what form it will now take. One thing I know is that I despise labels and systems of belief. Not long ago, I read up on Buddhism. There is great wisdom from Buddha, but its more traditional forms are just as oppressive as Christianity. Even Wicca has its rules and boundaries, and I don't want to shackle myself to another master/mistress that's different only in appearance. (No offense to any Wiccan visitors.)

This time is one of exploration, and I intend to have some fun, too. Yes, are we having fun yet? I do not want to return to another dour old religion. Maybe I'll just create my own! William Blake wrote:

"I must create a system or be enslaved to another man's. I will not reason and compare. My business is to create."

In the end, I want to be honest and real. I want to listen to the quiet urging of my spirit and follow it all the way, wherever it leads. This is the scary part. With this spiritual path, there is no "Bible" to read for instructions and warnings. There is no "church" to attend or pastors to consult for help. Maybe there isn't even a God to save me when I screw up or to make me his favorite. For the first time, I'm ok with that.

Coming Out of Your Spiritual Closet:Chapter 2

This is my greatest challenge right now: to be honest about my evolving spiritual path, my beliefs and doubts, and the places I see myself headed. This is completely uncharted territory for me. While I'm excited, I'm also scared to death. Am I strong enough? Am I committed to this path?

I'm mostly insecure, afraid of what others will think of me, of what they will say. "What is he thinking?" "That's just ridiculous!" "You won't believe what I heard about him." And on it goes. It's actually self-centered, I realize, but it's so difficult to pass through to the other side.

Need to find expression of some sort or feels like I'll burst. Nothing else seems to matter--not relationships, not work, not family. I'm also afraid that some event(s) will come along to distract me--as has happened so many times before--and I'll be thrown off and fall behind again, and all this thinking and feeling and talking and writing won't be worth a damn.

Carrie Underwood: "So Small"

Fairly new song from sweet lil Carrie. To see the video, follow this link:
http://www.youtube.com/carrieunderwood

"What you've been out there searching for forever is in your hands."
That's how I feel right now, as my spiritual path turns a corner.

"When you figure out that love is the only thing that matters after all, it sure makes everything else seem so small."
And then I realize that I do have love in my life, that I'm so fortunate. It makes all the other worries fade like mist.

So maybe it's a little sappy, but I don't care. And this is going to be a total drag queen ballad, trust me. I can see it now: beaded gown, stacked wig--you get the picture.

Christmas is Here--Feeling Guilty Yet?

I was going to write how Christmas irritates me, but that isn't true. I love the sparkly, twinkling decorations, the egg nog and gingerbread, the silly songs about snowmen and especially that generous spirit that worms its way in and inspires us to give lavishly and, yes, frivolously.

No, what really irritates me is the hypocrisy, or maybe it's better defined as doubletalk, that comes out this most wonderful time of the year. Take for instance what I heard on the radio the other day. A local station was encouraging listeners to drop off toys for their holiday charity drive, when one of the announcers says, quite innocently and sincerely, I'm sure: "Christmas is really all about the children, anyway."

Is it now? Oh sure, they have toys and Santa and Christmas pageants, but think about it: Who is ultimately responsible for all that? Adults, of course. If children just born where never told about Santa or sugarplums dancing in their little heads, they wouldn't even know they're supposedly missing out on what some see as enshrined in the U.S. Constitution. The radio announcer went on about how awful it would be for any child to go gift-less at Christmas. For some reason, this really got under my skin. There are worse things: a child shouldn't have to go without good food, a safe home, loving parents and family, a quality education and health care. But will they be scarred for life because they didn't get some plastic trinket made in China? Does that doll or game contain some sacred worth?

Which brings me to another point. Christmas is a vicious cycle no one seems willing to break. We all remember how as children Christmas was a wonderful time of magic and excitement. Well, hell, why wouldn't it be? You've got stories of Santa, toys that magically appear under a special tree decorated only once a year, parties and Christmas sweaters, candelight services at church--of course it's magical. Because adults have made it so. Eventually we grow up and then pine for our "lost" days of Christmas wonder. So we tell our children stories of Santa, and the circle continues.

Adults also love to get gifts, too, even though we know Santa isn't real. We decorate our homes, throw and attend parties, and ultimately, it's we who spend all the money. After all, the kids don't have jobs! And in America, Christmas has become all about the spending. That's the other thing about that radio announcer's comment--if Christmas is all about the kids, where does that leave Christ?

Remember him, born to bring peace to all men (and women)? Hello, even the freakin' name of the holiday is there to remind us: "Christ"mas. This holiday should be about more than greedy little rug rats getting toys--don't they get toys all year long, anyway? If I'm not mistaken, the whole gift-giving tradition began when the 3 Wise Men brought gifts to the baby Jesus. It was curious how that announcer left out all traces of Christ--but of course, if you pushed him on it, we would mumble and fumble and come back around to saying, "Jesus is the reason for the season!" No, I think we've all lost sight of what this holiday is about.

Part of the reason is that it isn't just about toys and children, and it isn't just about Jesus. Add to that the ancient human need to mark the winter solstice with some sort of celebration. And don't even get me started on all the pagan symbols and traditions that we've merged into Christmas. But no one wants to admit this. If you bring it up, it's almost like you've desecrated the manger or left a needy child without another toy that will soon break.

Christmas is a wonderful time, but we need to see it for what it is. It's a holiday that we have created in every way and one that we perpetuate. Maybe this is more for me--feeling guilty for not measuring up to all the expectations this holiday season. The good news is that I don't have to. I can help those "needy" children in January, when everyone else has forgotten about them. I can throw a party any time of the year and easily find an excuse to dress up in glitter and a fur-trimmed outfit whenever I like. All this takes more courage and more commitment than most of us can summon on any given day. I guess that's what's ailing me--all the meaningless platitudes uttered to induce guilt and superficial emotions displayed just for show.

Litterbug Nation

Maybe you remember these Keep America Beautiful PSAs from the 70s, with Iron Eyes Cody (who was actually Italian and not Native American!) Anyway, they had a huge impact on me, and I'll never forget Iron Eyes shedding that single tear. I wanted to help him fight litter and keep him from crying anymore. Of course, my dad would toss cigarette wrappers and other litter from the car, and he had a big trash pile in our back yard--wood stains, glue and other sorts of toxins that are probably still in the ground today.

I'm reminded of this because I don't understand people who litter. Do we need to bring back ol' Iron Eyes? A road crosses over the creek near my home, and people are always tossing trash from their cars: bottles, fast food bags and cups, cardboard, cigarette packs, and other flotsam and jetsam. For someone who took the America Beautiful PSAs to heart, this just makes no sense.

How hard is it to put trash in a trash can? Can't you wait til you get home to dispose of the trash? Hell, toss it in your own yard if you like, but why trash up our common areas and water supply? I walk along this road most mornings and usually carry a bag to collect the litter I find. Most days I can completely fill the bag and then some.

So what's the cause behind it? Are people so disconnected from the natural world that they just don't realize or care about tossing trash? Are their lives so devoid of meaning or fulfillment that they can't see beyond consuming these products and then disposing of them immediately? Do they lack education, or are they just lazy?

I'm doing whatever I can to protect this creek. Last summer I put down drain markers along a 1-mile section of the road, I collect trash on a regular basis, and I'd like to do some sort of Adopt a Stream/Road project. Even if it doesn't change anyone else's behavior, I still believe I'll be making a difference. Perhaps the animal spirits will notice, or maybe the water nymphs--maybe even God, if there is such a being. The older I get, the more I realize how intimately connected we are to the natural world.

"Give a hoot, don't pollute!"

Coming Out of Your Spiritual Closet

At the very bottom of this page, you'll find a few lines from a poem by Rumi, a well-known Muslim mystic. He implores us, "Don't go back to sleep." I don't know about you, but it seems at times my entire life has been a constant battle to remain truly awake and not fall back into a comfortable but ultimately illusory dream state. If that sounds kooky, here's what I mean. You're born, raised and at some point feel like you have your own life, only to be drawn to certain ideas or experiences that seem to come out of nowhere. These things appear contrary to every other life experience you've had--they even feel dangerous, risky. On some level, you know that if you follow that path, it will change your life forever. It's always those things that are outside the norm, the mainstream, those topics not discussed in polite cocktail chatter.

At least that's how it's been for me, from knowing I was gay long before I could admit it, to being attracted to religious ideas or worldviews that seemed a little "woo-woo" (as my friend Rebecca says). So here I am again at another crossroads.

As a kid, I loved playing in the woods and always felt safe there. It sparked my creativity and led me to writing. Looking back on those writings and experiences, I was a big ol' tree hugger before I even knew that term existed. At other times since then, I would hear a faint call, urging me to cast off the garments I had purchased from society and return to something more authentic so I could truly live. But so many times, I went back to sleep, lulled by someone else's dreams playing in my head.

Now I feel awake, teetering on the edge, rubbing the sleep from my eyes--it's so hard to take that last step to full clarity. I feel like I've wasted so much time sleeping, not realizing just how rich and full waking could be. I'm recovering that connection to nature, to the physical world, and to my creativity. My eyes are opening to behold a more varied spiritual landscape that before I only glimpsed in quiet moments.

Why is this so hard to talk about, write about? Don't even know if I'm making any sense here. It's scary. Just when you feel like your life is taking a certain direction, the compass spins and you're headed in another that's at once familiar and frightening. And you know if you don't follow, you'll regret it. Following this type of call requires attentive listening at all times, because you can't wait for some dramatic moment to wrench you into reality. It's all those tiny opportunities that appear every day that have to be seized. And if you doze for just a moment, another passes you by.

Colorado Church Shooting Just Part of God's Chess Game?

So I'm watching an interview this morning on The Today Show, and Matt Lauer is talking to a parishioner or staff person from New Life Church in Colorado, the site of the recent shootings by Matthew Murray. Apparently the guy being interviewed was right there with the female security guard who shot Murray. I don't know the guy's name talking but he describes how he and the security guard prayed and asked God for help. All fine and well. But then he says something that drove me over the edge: He credits God with helping bring Murray down, saying how he knows their prayers were answered and that's why God spared him and the security guard.

Well, aren't you just Jesus' little favorite? So God spared you because you had enough time to utter a brief "save me" prayer while the 2 sisters who were killed--well, I guess they should've been paying more attention. Had they been able to pray first, maybe they would've survived, or maybe the bullets would've done some crazy "Matrix"-like manuevers and hit a wall instead.

Do Christians not hear the ridiculous things they say? Whenever things go right, God gets credit. When things go wrong, it's your fault. Or at the least, well, God had some plan. Ok, so God planned that you would live and those 2 girls would die. That makes no sense. And what good does your prayer do anyway? If God already has all this planned out, then does your prayer really make any difference? And if God's plan trumps all, why pray? Can we change God's mind?

Seems that guy should've prayed harder and maybe he could've convinced God to save those 2 girls. This shooting was tragedy enough without having to listen to such lame spiritual drivel.

Björk: "Declare Independence"

Wacky Bjork has a new song out, and it fits this blog perfectly (make your own flag)!

Why I Like Hillary

Time for my 2 cents. Come voting time, I'm casting my ballot for Hillary Clinton. Why?

• She's been through hell and back. When Bill was in office, she was accused of all sorts of things (real and imagined) and survived the humiliation of everyone in the country discovering her husband had an affair. There may have been hints of personal scandal but nothing stuck. I believe that, if she's elected, we don't need to worry about any "new" scandals or skeletons falling out of her closet. We already know everything.
• She has learned from her mistakes. Hillary tried health care reform once and it backfired. Now she knows what will work and what won't--or at least what might get everyone to the negotiating table.
• Hillary understands Washington. As First Lady and a U.S. Senator, she's seen it all. Hillary is no wide-eyed, freshly elected newbie hoping to change the world. She understands Washington is all about compromise and that true change comes slowly.
  
• She's no faux "girl next door." Unlike W, who wants you to think he's just a good ol' boy like you, Hillary makes no pretensions. She's bright, smart, accomplished and she isn't going to pander to us and pretend otherwise.
  
• Hillary knows how to conduct herself. She's already met numerous world leaders and is well-traveled, something that it essential to dealing with the rest of the world. She appears gracious yet tough, and I'm confident she could handle anyone on the world stage.
• I'm glad she didn't recant her vote to invade Iraq. I'm a big peacenik, but here's the thing: She had the same intel all the other senators had, and she made her decision. With what we know now, it's easy to go back and apologize (a la John Edwards). But what happens next time something doesn't go right? Take back more votes? She used the info she had and made a decision, and I respect that. In all truth, I probably would've done the same given the opportunity and responsibility.
  
• She's got what it takes to turn this country around. Hillary has the connections and the the knowledge to make America great again in the eyes of the world.
  

"Golden Compass" Review: Irony Lost on Chrisitian Critics

Just saw the film this afternoon and loved it! Intriguing story, great characters. Religious critics will read too much into it---and that's the funny part. They unwittingly slip right into the role scripted for them. Just as the Magisterium attempts to crush anyone who disagrees with its view of the world, so goes the religious critics who tell the faithful not to see this film because of the spiritual damage it may cause.

I won't give much away, but Dakota Blue Richards truly carries the movie. Nicole Kidman is perfectly devious and the ice bears brave and proud. Daniel Craig (above, with the baby blues) is deliciously scruffy but otherwise doesn't have much to do (hopefully that will change in the sequels). It's well paced and the ending left me wanting more.

The film resonates with me because it encourages you to think for yourself. Haven't really done too much of that myself, until recently. Was too afraid of where it might lead--just like Mrs. Coulter warns Lyra in the film. But the Mrs. Coulters are wrong--maybe well-intentioned but wrong all the same.

I used to identify as a Christian but no more. Like any religion, it has a lot to offer, and Christians do many wonderful and good things. But I now see it as an illusion. All religion is. Whatever we believe, it's simply a way to cope with the world and where we find ourselves in it, our relationships to others and our purpose for being. People believe all kinds of things. The Greeks, Egyptians and Romans believed in their pantheon of gods but now we consider that primitive. Even the various Christian and Muslim sects hold their own beliefs to be Truth while labeling others as heresy. How do they know it's true? Just because it's written somewhere? Just because they feel it strongly, deep down inside? There have been plenty of people over time who held deep convictions--and were tragically mistaken.

Religion can provide great comfort but it can also cause great pain when we hold it too closely, pain not just to others but to ourselves. It can keep us locked in a cage, fearful and stunted. I don't regret being a Christian but I do regret how I hurt others and how I badgered myself into a constricted life of fear and suspicion.

If "Golden Compass" is anti-religion, then jolly good. I want my illusions to be shattered so that I can see the world for what it truly is. Living with pleasant stories and myths no longer satisfies. I guess some are too frightened to see things as they are, but as Iorek shows Lyra, we must face our fears and not let them dissuade us from what we must do.

http://www.goldencompassmovie.com/

Spirit of Brandtlund Grove

This place is especially sacred to me--it's my home. Like the other "sacred places" I've posted, these locations have in common a special significance for me. And it isn't something planned--it just happened. Once I experienced these places, I knew I belonged there, even if for only a short span of time.

I've only lived in Brandtlund Grove a short time but it feels as if my whole life has led me here. And I have to admit, it feels like I'll be here for a while to come. Ever since I moved here, I've felt compelled to protect this place, preserve it, explore it and learn from it.

Curious how land exerts a pull on us. In our modern society, it seems quaint, but that notion is as old as humanity. For more recent examples, look at the settlers' drive to have their own piece of the American West--as well as the Native Americans' horror as Europeans seized their ancestral homes. Or look at how the Israelis and Palestinians continue to fight over that sliver of land in the Middle East.

However, land should be shared, not fenced off and closed off to others. I suppose that's akin to heresy here in America, where property ownership and property rights are of such high value. That's the difficult part--to love something and care for it, to feel as if the land is part of you and yet allow others to share in that, especially when they show so little concern.

Well, enjoy the photo, as well as the other one at right under "My Home." I'll post more as time passes (and I hope to get the slideshow function working someday).

Gay Relationships a Model for Straights?

Here's a helluva question: What is love and what makes it last? Some would say only a legal, sanctioned marriage between a man and a woman. Bullshit, plain and simple.

For the last couple of months, I've been helping my partner recover from a stroke, and it ain't been easy. I was talking to his business partner, "R," who happens to be straight and married. He tells me he's impressed with all I've done and he wanted to commend me. (Thanks, I appreciate that.) But here's the kicker: He says,

"After all, it's not like when a man and a woman are actually married. You could just walk away, but instead you stay."

Interesting, no? "R" is a great guy, so I wasn't insulted. I simply found it curious. Seems he's saying that the only thing that holds a love relationship together is a marriage certificate, locked away in some marble courthouse. Or maybe it's the belief that God will punish if you file for divorce. Maybe a couple stays together for the kids---but not simply love, no, that couldn't possibly be enough.

I'm sure if I asked why he's still married, he wouldn't dare give any of these reasons. Or maybe he would. Maybe his marriage isn't so great, and he can't imagine another--especially a gay relationship--being any stronger. After all, aren't all gay relationships just about sex, and don't they all end eventually? Well, after 13 years, sister, I'm here to tell you it certainly ain't all about the sex!

This is why I love being gay. Since everything society expects gets turned on its head, you have to find your own, authentic way. You can't rely on symbols, like a marriage certificate, which is only a piece of paper. You can't rely on the support system provided by a church ceremony and approving family members. No, you have to strip all that crap away til, hopefully, you're left with nothing more than genuine affection and love. Sound impossible? No, it isn't. Imperfect, yes, but not impossible.

Maybe that's why the universe produced gay people, to give others hope. Oh, and fashion, of course!

To love!

Iran Intel Outdated--Bush Ignores It

You have got to be kidding me! The most recent U.S. intelligence report states that Iran ended its nuclear program FOUR years ago--totally contradicting the intelligence that previously said they were ramping up for nuclear armaggedon (I just love using that word). What is wrong with our government that we can't get more reliable information in a more timely manner?

So first the Iraq intel was all wrong about weapons of mass destruction, and now the Iran intel is all wrong. At least we found about before another war/invasion. But if we can't trust the quality of our intel, how can we trust this administration on anything it says? I try to give them the benefit of the doubt, but it's hopeless. If nothing else, Bush needs to fire everyone and start all over again. But does he own up to the errors? Oh no--instead here's what he had to say: "Bush said he is not troubled about his standing, about perhaps facing a credibility gap with the American people. 'No, I'm feeling pretty spirited _ pretty good about life.'"

Well, allrighty then. I'm so glad for you, Mr. President, wouldn't want you to feel all down or anything.

All I can say is we need to be more vigilant as voters and citizens.

For more, visit:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/huff-wires/20071204/bush/

The Latest on Sen. Larry Craig

If Senator Larry Craig were more attractive, then maybe I could understand 8 gay men claiming to have either had sex with him or that he flirted with them. But Brad Pitt he isn't. This is the latest twist in his ever-convoluted denials of being gay. Why would these men make these claims? Some have even gone public with their names. I think they're simply tired of this hypocrite denigrating gay people and supporting anti-gay legislation while he enjoys restroom flings on the side.

Gay, gay, gay--that's what he is. As they say, "where's there's smoke, there's fire." In this case, it's "where there's smoke, there's a great big flamer!" And I've never bought his story regarding the airport arrest. If he wasn't doing anything, then why did he allow himself to be arrested? Just so the story would go away? Hmm, that worked out well. If he wasn't looking for sex in that stall, then what on earth was he doing with his feet and hands? Asking for more toilet paper? Checking out the design of the partition? Come on, senator, spare yourself and your family any more pain and just come out. The more you deny, the worse it will get.

Visit the link for more:
http://www.idahostatesman.com/eyepiece/story/226703.html

"Golden Compass" Controversy

Apparently some Christians are boycotting the upcoming film "The Golden Compass," based on the book of the same name that allegedly slams all religion. Well, they have every right---and Hollywood has every right to produce the film, and I, for one, can't wait to take my seat when it opens. My guess is whatever anti-religious slant will be watered down. Come on Christians---the movie studio wants to make money, and they need good Christian families like yours to go see this film. And it's being released at Christmas! Only the dumbest producer on Earth would create and release a film at Christmas that says, "all religion is evil."

I plan to read the book soon in order to see what all the fuss is about. But in the meantime, it seems a shame to boycott what looks like a great holiday film. After all, it has an adventurous girl heroine, brave polar bears in armor and Nicole Kidman in a fur-trimmed coat (fake fur, I hope!).

Two links to visit:
ttp://www.dirjournal.com/entertainment-journal/christians-boycotting-golden-compass/#more-12

http://www.goldencompassmovie.com/

Name That Bear (Just Not Mohammed)

So a British teacher in Sudan allows her class to name a teddy bear Mohammed---and all hell breaks loose. Muslims are chanting "kill her!" in the streets. As I've written before, some Muslims seem more concerned about the honor of their prophet (peace be upon him) than anything else. They would sooner blow up the world than have anyone even unknowingly insult M. What is with that? God himself doesn't get that pissed off over what we puny humans do. Do Muslims even claim that Mohammed is divine? (I'm not 100% sure, but if I'm wrong, perhaps I'll receive a death threat.) Well, if he isn't considered divine, that means he's even more sensitive than Jesus, who Christians generally consider God in human form.

But I digress. My main point is about fundamentalists, of any religion. But I'm so sick of hearing about Muslims ready to kill the rest of us for any perceived slight against their religion. In order for this world to survive, we must tolerate each other. Most fundamentalists refuse to do so. Which calls into question their so-called "values." This is my world, too, and I deserve to be here as much as they do. These so-called "faithful" always go ballistic over the stupidest things, too, like naming a teddy bear.

Ok, so maybe if my neighbor's kid went around calling his teddy bear "Jesus," I might think it was a little odd. But I certainly wouldn't dance in the driveway with a machete, yelling for his death. And here's the thing---it seems every other male in the Middle East is named Mohammed! So what's the big deal? In America, it would be like naming the thing "John."

Some say that the outcry is due to the fact that this teacher is British, an outsider, an infidel, and it's just another opportunity to vent anger over the presence of Westerners in Sudan. Once I'd like to see us Westerners take the hint and just leave. Pull up every tent stake and just go, never to be seen again, and leave these fruitcakes to their own devices. Then, when things go wrong, they would have no one to blame but themselves.

Here's a link for more. Yes, it's Michelle Malkin, but I actually agree with her!
http://michellemalkin.com/2007/11/26/the-mohammed-teddy-bear-blasphemy/