A Journey Through the Akashic Records, the Book of Life and My Ego

This past Friday I attended a meditation at a friend's home, and the idea was to journey (or meditate) to the Akashic Records, a theoretical place where you can "access" information about all our lives, past, present and future. I had heard about the Akashic Records but didn't know much. The idea grew out of the Theosophical Movement and was popularized by psychic Edgar Cayce. I was looking forward to a group meditation since I had mostly been journeying alone, the subject matter was interesting and I wanted to meet the meditation leader, who owns a esoteric healing school where some friends are employed. End result? Not impressed, but I think it had more to do with me than anything else.

I've heard of Cayce but don't really know much. Anway, I was curious to "visit" this place where he claimed you could find all the records of all our lives (assuming reincarnation is real, of course). The idea is you go to gain insight; any problems you're having now are linked to past-life decisions/actions. Sort of like a super computer.

Scary Christian Crap
But the more I read about the Akashic Records ("akasha" is a Sanskrit word meaning "big, blue sky"), the more apprehensive I became. A lot of people, even the meditation leader, likened it to the Biblical Book of Life. Maybe that comparison helps people understand, but it just turned me off. Do you know how many times I agonized as a Christian about whether or not my name was truly written in that damn book?! For whatever reason, I feared that I would die and reach Heaven only to have Jesus shake his head sadly and send me to Hell. Yeah, good times!

Obviously, I have issues there--but, seriously, why use an outdated, fear-based comparison? Can't we move past that? But I was still curious to see what I would experience. Hey, I'm an optimist. While I didn't have any very specific info I was seeking, I thought, well, I'm curious to know about my future with my partner. These kind of meditations can trigger all sorts of things in the subconscious.

Jealous? Who--me?
It started out rough. I had never been to my friend's house before (we went through the shamanic mystery school together)--and immediately Envy reared its green head. She has a beautiful home, just the kind I'd love to have. Lush, green yard full of flowers and plants, and a lovely home with art, very comfortable and well-appointed. I know, I know--none of that matters--except when you have these aspirations and wonder why you've failed to achieve them.

So I was focused on that as we started the first of two meditations. I also didn't like that the meditation leader basically just jumped right in--no special breathing, so ringing of a bell, just "close your eyes and go!" The first meditation, however, came together. It wasn't to the Akasha but one designed to help us tap into life purpose and soul messages. But it was too damn short! This one was very vivid and felt like it was going somewhere--and then it ended. So maybe I'll have to revisit this one again on my own.

Over Before It Began
After a break, we headed to the Akashic Records. Before we began, the leader showed us a picture created to show what Cayce experienced on his own journey. Again, very reminiscent of ascending through the levels of Hell up to Heaven--at least, that's what I saw. First, I don't believe in any demons or evil creatures anyway, so this was just another barrier. What is the point really? All I knew is I was uncomfortable with the setting, and so I knew I needed to protect myself. Maybe that's why it didn't go so well.

So we head "up" to the Library. I did see an actual book, which when opened contained more futuristic-looking cartridges. I was handed one by some nondescript entity--but then it was time to go back! It seemed like most of the journey was us getting there, and then it was time to return. Oddly, I did sense that my partner was there with me, which was nice. But that was it--no messages, no other imagery, nothing.

Once the leader brought us back to regular consciousness, we all discussed what we had experienced. Several others mentioned all kinds of things they saw and felt. I began to wonder maybe I had done something wrong. Why hadn't I experienced all this?? Whatever--I was ready to leave. So I quickly gathered my things, said my goodbyes and was the first out the door (it was late anyway, I told myself).

Not a Complete Bust
I was disappointed. I had looked forward to this for several weeks only to get creeped out and leave feeling, "What was the big deal?" Everyone else kept saying how wonderful it was and blah, blah, blah. But now that I've had time to think it over, I do feel better. And I've had some realizations:

1. I simply don't care for these meditations where people seem to need validation ("you are loved," "God loves you," etc). To me, it's irrelevant. I don't believe in a god whose love I need in order to feel special. Also, I don't have a need to constantly heal past "trauma." Sure, my life has had its share of bad stuff, but somehow I get through it relatively well, whereas some people never can get past what their mother didn't do right or what happened to them in the past.
2. My ego was in the way. Obviously, I have issues about material, worldly success, and that clouded my attitude and energy from the start. If I hadn't been comparing myself to my friend, I might have had a different experience. Then afterward, I was comparing my meditation experience to that of everyone else. Despite my frustration, I'm sure I could gain some insights from what I DID experience rather than trying to meet some obscure expectations.

So, in the end, maybe I learned something after all, in spite of myself. And that's what I dig about shamanism.