IDiosyntocracy

Honoring Lughnasadh--and a Goodbye

2010-08-01T16:55:00.000-04:00

Ok, let's cut right to the chase. I've decided to shut down this blog. But it's actually a good thing! And it's fitting that I do it today, as a way to mark Lughnasadh. In the past, today was a time to gather in nature's harvest; now we instead reflect on what is manifesting in our lives as the year draws closer and closer to autumn. As I reflect in this way, I see that I'm moving more and more out of my spiritual closet and into the wider world. I'm also finding more outlets for my writing, and that's been a great experience. Since I don't really "harvest" in the traditional sense, I also like to think of this time of the year as one of nature's maturity. We've gone from new growth in the spring and have now arrived at full flower and maturity. And so this is reflected in my own life, too.

When I started this blog a little less than 3 years ago, I was also beginning a new spiritual path. I was insecure, unsure and just looking for an outlet. Now that I'm more confident and sure of my path, I'm emerging into the "real world," and so I need this outlet less and less. I was also searching for my own voice, if you will. For various reasons, I didn't know who I was or, at the least, didn't feel confident in expressing certain aspects of my life. I still have a way to go, but I do think I've found my voice now, both in spiritual expression and direction, and in my writing. Hurray!

Since my hiatus earlier this summer, I've been on a nice vacation, spent some time writing, and I've conducted one house blessing and another ceremony I created for high school graduations. In addition, I've been digging further into my family's ancestry and have found new connections--one of those is that 1 set of great-grandparents are buried less than 1/2 mile from my current home. So one thing I'm exploring more is my ancestors.

I do plan to leave this page up so that I can still connect with many of you from time to time. You have such interesting things to say and share! Just don't come here expecting to see anything new. But--who knows, I may revive this blog if the mood hits me again. I want to thank everyone who has read a post or left a comment; so many of you have encouraged me along my path, reaching out to share a common interest when I often felt isolated or tentative. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

In closing, I'd like to encourage you all to follow your heart, take chances and believe in yourself. This world is a wonderful place, and all it takes to see it is for us to open our eyes and look. At the bottom of this blog, I've included something written by Rumi that I think sums up what I'm trying to say. When my eyes finally opened several years ago, a friend showed me this poem, and it felt as if Rumi had been reading my mind. So I've repeated it here:

"The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.

"Don't go back to sleep.

"You must ask for what you really want.
"Don't do back to sleep.

"People are going back and forth across the doorsill where two worlds touch.

"The door is round and open.

"Don't go back to sleep."

Taking a Break!

2010-06-06T08:59:00.000-04:00

Well, I guess I'm already on a break since I haven't posted in about 2 weeks, but I do like to tidy things up--so, yeah, time for a blogging break. Maybe I'll even get to go to the location in the photo above!

The good thing is that I'm busy with lots of stuff, but I'm starting to stress (no, not me!). I enjoy posting when I can, so I'm just going to chill for a while until things calm down.

What am I up to, you ask? Well, I've had some extra editing/writing work on the side, and I have another house blessing coming up as "Rev. Riverwolf." Plus I'm heading for a week-long vacation in 2 weeks. I'm also ready to sell the old house, my niece is graduating high school--and on and on!

Thanks as always for stopping by, and I wish you and yours much joy and freedom!

Booty, Beauty, Butterflies and Ugly Betty!

2010-05-26T11:56:00.004-04:00

Yes, my alliteration is out of control this week. And I'm blissin' out on joy, which is not as easy as it sounds since I'm having a difficult week. Stomach and health issues, plus my dad just went into the hospital and may have cancer, and I can't seem to switch off the "monkey mind," as the Buddhists call it.

So last night I finally got around to watching the series finale of "Ugly Betty," and it was great. I will definitely miss this gem of a show. As the last scene faded, a song played that I had never heard before--and I instantly recognized the voice as that of Macy Gray. But the lyrics--at once funny and inspiring--stuck in my head. The song is "Beauty in the World," and it was the perfect ending for "Ugly Betty," and it's the perfect song for me to hear right now.

In the song, Macy sings about seeing the beauty of the world in spite of all the bad news, about noticing things like butterflies, for example. How fitting that the promos for the last season of "Ugly Betty" included butterflies, a symbol of transformation!

Just some excerpts of the lyrics:

All they talk about is
What is going down?
What’s been messed up, for us?
When I look around,
I see blue skies,
I see butterflies,
for us.

Listen to the sound and lose it,
Its sweet music,
and dance with me.
There is beauty in the world,
So much beauty in the world,
Always beauty in the world.

And you gotta love a song that contains this line:

Shake your booty, boys and girls,
for the beauty in the world!

Birds and Buddha Bring Message of Joy

2010-05-23T19:40:00.000-04:00

Ok, I get it! There needs to be more joy in more life--or, at least, I need to recognize the joy I already have and celebrate it. So how did this message arrive?

Buddha of joy
I was cleaning out my office and came across a Buddhist meditation/prayer that I don't think I have seen in about 2 years. It's called the brahmavihara or the "Four Immeasurables" (so yes, it has 4 parts). The first time I heard this prayer, its message was so clear, simple and encompassing that it stuck with me. But lately, I haven't been so good about following these 4 mantras: love, joy, sympathetic joy and equanimity. So during last week's meditation, I focused on the first one that stood out: sympathetic joy.

Sympathetic joy arises when we join in the happiness of others and wish them well-being and success. Practicing sympathetic joy takes your mind off of yourself and keeps hatred and jealousy at bay. Basically, if someone you know is excited, be excited for them. And even if it seems trivial or something that you don't feel joy over, be excited for them anyway. Joy is important and comes around way too seldom, so we should "rejoice" any time it appears, big, small or somewhere in between. Sometimes we also put off joy in order not to offend or make others feel bad. I'm learning that does no one any good.

Feathers of joy
The other message about joy arrived last night while at a friend's house. There were several people there, and we participated in a special ceremony in which my friend gave us all heron feathers. In some traditions (the specifics escape me), herons represent the ability to quickly change direction--which can be good if we realize we need to make a change.

My friend hands each of us a heron feather, each wrapped in a different color of deerskin. She had meditated earlier with each feather and with each of us in mind in order to receive a message. As she presented the feather, she delivered the message--and mine was one of healing and joy, she said, because she felt that these things are what I needed most right now in my life.

And I think my friend and Buddha are right. I could go on about the many reasons why, but suffice to say that I am going to practice more sympathetic joy; I am going to do more things that bring me joy; and I am going to focus on healing at various levels.

Do you have enough joy in your own life?

My Various Worlds Are Colliding

2010-05-20T08:56:00.000-04:00

This pic says it all, which is one reason I haven't posted much lately. When I started blogging just less than 3 years ago, this space gave me freedom to speak and do some things that I felt I couldn't do in real life, when I'm not Riverwolf. But now, surprisingly, that's changed. As my shamanic practice has deepened and since my ordination last summer, the "real" me is becoming more of that person that I once only felt comfortable being here on this blog.

But those worlds are colliding, merging--which is probably a great thing. Right? For example, there's another blog I write for professionally, and I find I'm starting to repeat myself; what I write about over there is also finding its way here. And I really do want to keep this one private. I've revealed too much here, a lot of things that I'd be embarrassed about or that might even hurt others were someone to connect all the dots. Not that anyone's digging around, but the Web can easily turn on you and bit you in the ass. Add in other social networking, and it all gets way too difficult to juggle. I'm sure I'm not alone because I know people who have several blogs, a Twitter account and so on.

This integration that I feel taking place is a good thing, but it needs to settle in. I guess you could say that many of those things that have been germinating are finally beginning to flower. But I need to figure out what I'm doing here on this blog, specifically. This blog has become a wonderfully private and inspiring place, a source of strength and a great way to act out or relax. And it's worth protecting.

Ke$ha's "Your Love Is My Drug" is a Shamanic Head Trip

2010-05-18T09:22:00.000-04:00

This is what I get for turning to YouTube to help myself wake up on a dreary Tuesday. It's been said that poplet Ke$ha is the poor man's Lady Gaga because she keeps reaching in the same direction but never quite gets there. I would agree, but Ke$ha's songs are catchy and full of humor, so she can't be all bad.

But girl goes all shamanic in her latest video for "Your Love Is My Drug." (Couldn't post it so you'll have to follow the link.) It's obviously inspired by the 70s, too. For most of it, she jumps around in the desert (California, I'm assuming), but then there's a real elephant plus some chick with a tiger mask (animal totem?), so it could be anywhere (Africa, Asia?). She's with some guy who looks like Jesus, and they're both dressed hippie-like (no body glitter this time). More animal shape-shifting, and then Ke$ha turns into a mermaid before dancing around in some hippie net shawl thingy.

Watch carefully for Native American symbolism, and I think I caught Australian Aboriginal symbols, too. For a second, Ke$ha's even wearing bird feathers. Her shamanic "money shot," so to speak, comes when the lights go out and she's wearing glow-in-the-dark body paint with markings reminiscent of tribal peoples (Africa, maybe?). Then she dances around with a giant snake, a la Britney.

Yeah, it's a great big mish-mash and the song itself is mindless pop. Of course, I'm sure it was cooked up in a marketing meeting about "trends." Still, I like to see this kind of symbolism pop up, and I think it lodges in people's psyches and helps open them up to things that are ultimately more meaningful.

Henrietta Lacks Movie--and, Oh Yeah, I'm Still Alive!

2010-05-13T11:33:00.000-04:00

If you've missed me (or maybe you haven't), I've been busy with some writing and editing projects, which is great, plus painting and cleaning up the old house in order to get it ready to sell. My partner and I have also been spending more time together. I know I haven't posted much on that lately. It's still touch-and-go, but I really want it to work out if at all possible. I'm seeing him in a brand-new way, and he's simply a great and gentle person. We still have issues to work out, and I still have my own apartment so that I can have space when needed. Once we get through a few more house chores, I think I'll have a better idea of what our future holds as a couple. Stay tuned.

A few months ago, I posted on the novel about Henrietta Lacks (pictured) and her (unwitting) contributions to modern public health. Well, Oprah is now making an HBO feature about Henrietta's life, and she's working with one of my Hollywood favorites, Alan Ball (writer for "American Beauty"). I saw the book the other day in Target and almost bought it, so maybe this merits a return trip. Unfortunately, I don't have HBO but there's always the DVD. Anyway, fascinating story about science with a personal touch.

This weekend brings more stuff to clean out and pack--and I hope my partner and I get to take that bike ride in the park that we discussed. Thanks for stopping by and I hope to be back soon for more regular blogging!

He Took the Words Right Outta My Mouth

2010-05-07T08:39:00.000-04:00

I've been having some rather frustrating "discussions" with old friends lately (that was probably my first mistake). It's clear we inhabit different worlds now. My frustration lies both in my inability to adequately express my worldview as well as in their refusal--or fear--to open their minds.

But here's a quote I found that wonderfully expresses what I feel and believe. Maybe I'll just start repeating this from now on:

"A living planet is a much more complex metaphor for deity than just a bigger father with a bigger fist. If an omniscient, all-powerful Dad ignores your prayers, it's taken personally. Hear only silence long enough, and you start wondering about his power. His fairness. His very existence.

But if a world mother doesn't reply, Her excuse is simple. She never claimed conceited omnipotence. She has countless others clinging to her apron strings, including myriad species unable to speak for themselves. To Her elder offspring She says: 'Go raid the fridge. Go play outside. Go get a job. Or, better yet, lend me a hand. I have no time for idle whining.'"
--author David Brin

Yay, Mama Earth!

A Journey Through the Akashic Records, the Book of Life and My Ego

2010-05-02T20:28:00.000-04:00

This past Friday I attended a meditation at a friend's home, and the idea was to journey (or meditate) to the Akashic Records, a theoretical place where you can "access" information about all our lives, past, present and future. I had heard about the Akashic Records but didn't know much. The idea grew out of the Theosophical Movement and was popularized by psychic Edgar Cayce. I was looking forward to a group meditation since I had mostly been journeying alone, the subject matter was interesting and I wanted to meet the meditation leader, who owns a esoteric healing school where some friends are employed. End result? Not impressed, but I think it had more to do with me than anything else.

I've heard of Cayce but don't really know much. Anway, I was curious to "visit" this place where he claimed you could find all the records of all our lives (assuming reincarnation is real, of course). The idea is you go to gain insight; any problems you're having now are linked to past-life decisions/actions. Sort of like a super computer.

Scary Christian Crap
But the more I read about the Akashic Records ("akasha" is a Sanskrit word meaning "big, blue sky"), the more apprehensive I became. A lot of people, even the meditation leader, likened it to the Biblical Book of Life. Maybe that comparison helps people understand, but it just turned me off. Do you know how many times I agonized as a Christian about whether or not my name was truly written in that damn book?! For whatever reason, I feared that I would die and reach Heaven only to have Jesus shake his head sadly and send me to Hell. Yeah, good times!

Obviously, I have issues there--but, seriously, why use an outdated, fear-based comparison? Can't we move past that? But I was still curious to see what I would experience. Hey, I'm an optimist. While I didn't have any very specific info I was seeking, I thought, well, I'm curious to know about my future with my partner. These kind of meditations can trigger all sorts of things in the subconscious.

Jealous? Who--me?
It started out rough. I had never been to my friend's house before (we went through the shamanic mystery school together)--and immediately Envy reared its green head. She has a beautiful home, just the kind I'd love to have. Lush, green yard full of flowers and plants, and a lovely home with art, very comfortable and well-appointed. I know, I know--none of that matters--except when you have these aspirations and wonder why you've failed to achieve them.

So I was focused on that as we started the first of two meditations. I also didn't like that the meditation leader basically just jumped right in--no special breathing, so ringing of a bell, just "close your eyes and go!" The first meditation, however, came together. It wasn't to the Akasha but one designed to help us tap into life purpose and soul messages. But it was too damn short! This one was very vivid and felt like it was going somewhere--and then it ended. So maybe I'll have to revisit this one again on my own.

Over Before It Began
After a break, we headed to the Akashic Records. Before we began, the leader showed us a picture created to show what Cayce experienced on his own journey. Again, very reminiscent of ascending through the levels of Hell up to Heaven--at least, that's what I saw. First, I don't believe in any demons or evil creatures anyway, so this was just another barrier. What is the point really? All I knew is I was uncomfortable with the setting, and so I knew I needed to protect myself. Maybe that's why it didn't go so well.

So we head "up" to the Library. I did see an actual book, which when opened contained more futuristic-looking cartridges. I was handed one by some nondescript entity--but then it was time to go back! It seemed like most of the journey was us getting there, and then it was time to return. Oddly, I did sense that my partner was there with me, which was nice. But that was it--no messages, no other imagery, nothing.

Once the leader brought us back to regular consciousness, we all discussed what we had experienced. Several others mentioned all kinds of things they saw and felt. I began to wonder maybe I had done something wrong. Why hadn't I experienced all this?? Whatever--I was ready to leave. So I quickly gathered my things, said my goodbyes and was the first out the door (it was late anyway, I told myself).

Not a Complete Bust
I was disappointed. I had looked forward to this for several weeks only to get creeped out and leave feeling, "What was the big deal?" Everyone else kept saying how wonderful it was and blah, blah, blah. But now that I've had time to think it over, I do feel better. And I've had some realizations:

I simply don't care for these meditations where people seem to need validation ("you are loved," "God loves you," etc). To me, it's irrelevant. I don't believe in a god whose love I need in order to feel special. Also, I don't have a need to constantly heal past "trauma." Sure, my life has had its share of bad stuff, but somehow I get through it relatively well, whereas some people never can get past what their mother didn't do right or what happened to them in the past.
My ego was in the way. Obviously, I have issues about material, worldly success, and that clouded my attitude and energy from the start. If I hadn't been comparing myself to my friend, I might have had a different experience. Then afterward, I was comparing my meditation experience to that of everyone else. Despite my frustration, I'm sure I could gain some insights from what I DID experience rather than trying to meet some obscure expectations.

So, in the end, maybe I learned something after all, in spite of myself. And that's what I dig about shamanism.

What I'm Listening to Right Now: My Chemical Romance

2010-05-01T09:38:00.000-04:00

Their music may be a bit frenetic (and "young," I hate to say it) for my tastes, but I do like this song, "Welcome to the Black Parade," from My Chemical Romance.

Groovy video: very Mexican-Day-of-the-Dead. Yep, I love the band's look. I need to start dressing like this every day...

Beltane & Busyness

2010-04-30T10:10:00.000-04:00

LOVE this photo. You can just see the little bud sprouting, plus you have what appears to be some sort of altar on the ground.

This weekend, many nature-lovers and pagans will celebrate Beltane, the half-way point between spring and summer. Looks like I'm going to be busier than a one-armed wallpaper hanger, however. Lots to write, still more painting at the house, and need to visit my mom after she had a short hospital stay. I'm not even going to whip up my usual altar or ritual this time. Feels like I need something different, another way to mark the occasion.

Since Beltane is opposite Samhain (Halloween), many say this time of year is also when the veil between the worlds is thin. I've always felt that way at Samhain, so I'd like to find time to meditate on that this weekend. We'll see.

Hope you all have a chance to get outside and enjoy spring!

Working Away While the Gulf Burns

2010-04-28T19:56:00.000-04:00

It's frustrating for me to be super busy while there are so many things I want to blog about! Like the recent oil mess in the Gulf of Mexico. Did you hear that the well is gushing more than 40,000 gallons a day! Sweet lord above--and Obama wants to open more drilling off the East Coast.

Oh well, no time to worry over that. I may be gone a bit but I'm here and doing fine! Until then, peace & light.

Today is Boob Quake Day! (and why is it always about sex?)

2010-04-26T10:49:00.000-04:00

I'm sure Pam Anderson is to blame...

If you haven't heard, today is officially Boob Quake Day, started by blogger Jen McCreight in response to yet one more fundie who says too much flesh is causing all these volcanic eruptions, earthquakes and other assorted natural phenomenon. This time it was an Iranian cleric, saying that immodest women and the power of their boobs have EARTHSHATTERING effects!

Why is it that fundies always blame sex when something bad happens? One minute it's boobs, the next it's homosexuals. After all, there are other "sins" out there. Maybe Mother Earth is reacting to humans polluting her world, have they ever thought about that? Maybe Gaia is opening up to swallow us whole because we are damaging her body! Or, maybe some deity is punishing us because of all the violence and abuse we heap on each other. Isn't that a sin, all those murders and wars? Or what about greed, lying and hatred?

No, oddly, it's always about sex. Just wait for the next natural disaster and some fundie will blame it on the gays or the loose women. Of course, it's NEVER the men. Perish the thought!

Seriously, somebody needs to be slapped.

I love Jen's reaction and her Boob Quake Day. Let's see if we can really rock the world today! (And, yes, guys can join in, too!)

Archie Goes Gay!

2010-04-23T10:39:00.001-04:00

If Archie Comics is adding a gay character, then my dastardly "homosexual agenda" must be working! I've always been a comics fan, but "Archie" always seemed like the safest, most white-bread thing around, so it was never tops on my reading list.

But now, Veronica falls for the new gay guy in Riverdale--Kevin! And he's kinda cute.

You just know some fundies are gonna get their panties all in a tight bunch over this! Read below as Kevin comes out to Jughead.

Hug Mama Earth Today

2010-04-22T13:13:00.000-04:00

You probably already knew it was Earth Day--but what are you doing about it? I confess, I'm quite busy but I am getting out today for a long walk. It may not sound like much, but walks keep me aware of what Mother Nature is up to, it's good exercise and it keeps my feet on solid ground, so to speak.

For more Earth Day ideas, click here. And if miss today, there's always tomorrow or the day after...

Azaleas Are Ablaze!

2010-04-21T20:27:00.000-04:00

This is my first spring in Latham Grove--and it's beautiful! There are so many azaleas blooming in whites (my favorite), pinks, reds and rusty orange. And because the apartments in which I live are so old, the azaleas are a nice size, too.

Otherwise, life is good but quite busy. Thanks for stopping by--and if I've been negligent in visiting my favorite blogs, I apologize! I'll be back soon.

Sounds for Healing

2010-04-19T21:31:00.001-04:00

Last week a friend who I met through last year's Shamanic Mystery School invited me for a sound healing session. Not that I seemed to need it necessarily, but she's starting her own healing practice and wanted, well, guinea pigs. If it's free--I'm there!

(No, this isn't my friend below, but I thought she looked friendly.)

I've had a wee bit of experience with sound healing, but this was my first private session. In order to be a good client, I put some thought into what I might need healing for, and of course, I thought about my relationship with my partner, but also healing for what I perceive as a tendency to hold back and be too much of a pleaser. Sounds minor, but this tendency can turn crippling.

The idea with sound healing is that everything, including us, is made up of energy at various frequencies. Think string theory! So if something is off in your vibration, that could lead to illness, emotional dependencies and all sorts of other problems. If those vibrations can be put back in tune--sort of like tuning an old piano--then you'll be as good as new. Sure, I don't know if I buy into all of it, and yet I know how a favorite song--those particular sounds--can put me in a happy mood or a sad one. Sound does affect us in ways we often take for granted.

Any sounds can be used: bells, gongs, tuning forks, quartz crystal bowls--even the human voice. My biggest surprise during the session came when my friend--a rather quiet, mousy person--started toning with her voice. Out of this little woman came a deep, masculine tone; at first, I thought it was a recording. Her voice changed throughout, from deep to high-pitched, from loud, throaty hums to soft whispers. All the while, she's using her various instruments. Meanwhile, my job is to relax and pay attention to any images or impressions I receive. Afterward, we'd both discuss our experience--and then wait for the healing to take effect.

I won't bore you with all the images and impressions, but the session did give me something to think over. Maybe all those sounds will help me preserve my "personal power," if you will. Overall, the experience was powerful, I do have to say. It's an intimate experience, to allow a person to tone for you in this way, to reveal something about yourself beyond an upset tummy or whatever. Oddly, just lying there listening to my friend's powerful voice and the bold sounds of the instruments chipped away at my own reticence--encouraging me to let my own power and abilities to shine forth. So, I guess it did work! And my friend also offered me another session--for free! I think I'll go back in a few weeks and give it another try.

If you're ever curious about sound healing, I would recommend Zacciah Blackburn, who offers workshops around the country, so there may be one offered near you.

It's Spring in the Grove!

2010-04-17T12:13:00.000-04:00

I've been snapping some pics lately of all the spring color here in Latham Grove. There's an entire row of these purple things growing along a fence. Looks like garden phlox to me, but regardless, it's a wonderful shade of purple!

Day of Silence

2010-04-16T07:55:00.000-04:00

No matter how far we think we've come in our society, GLBT students are still bullied and harassed in schools. It happened to me as a kid, and it still happens today. The Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN) is asking bloggers to keep a Day of Silence today to draw attention to this issue. Compared to some GLBT kids, I had it easy in high school, but it still got so bad that I would get physically sick before school and would make excuses to stay home. However, the root problem--homophobia--wasn't actually addressed because I attended a Christian school.

So, no more posts today. Make yourself aware and help where you can. Thanks.

"Marvel-ous" Meditation

2010-04-15T09:30:00.000-04:00

A friend says to me the other day, "Just ride whatever spirit is offering you."

And I thought of this guy, the Silver Surfer! Which is totally groovy. He's a bit of a tragic character, but I like what the Wiki has to say about the Surfer's abilities:

"The Silver Surfer wields the Power Cosmic, granting him superhuman strength, stamina, durability, senses and the ability to absorb and manipulate the universe's ambient energy for a variety of effects. The Surfer can navigate through interstellar space, dimensional barriers, and hyperspace, which he can enter to exceed the speed of light when flying on his board, and has even proven capable of time travel."

Yep, this guy's definitely a rad shaman with a surfboard!

An Artful Pause: Wolf Kahn

2010-04-14T19:28:00.001-04:00

I recently discovered German-American painter Wolf Kahn for the first time--and he's amazing! Still going strong in his 80s, too. I love his deep, saturated colors and his love of painting forests, fields and other natural landscapes. Click here for more.

Time Out!

2010-04-08T13:51:00.000-04:00

Work has really ramped up all of a sudden, so don't be shocked if I don't post for a while. That and I'm trying to get painting and yard work done at the old house so that we can put the baby on the market!

Be back soon!

My Great Grandfather Was a Dowser!

2010-04-05T10:34:00.000-04:00

So maybe these shaman skills run in the family! Which is something I've always wondered. It's probably more common than anyone realizes or recognizes or admits, but I think sometimes spirit will keep skipping around in a family until someone raises their hand and says, "Pick me!"

Some families have all sorts of stories about "wacky" relatives, but not mine. Until now! It isn't much, but I'll take what I can get. Over Easter/Ostara weekend, I wanted to go in search of the cemetery where my maternal grandmother's family is buried. Through online census records, I uncovered the location of the church and the names. So my mom, my partner and I set off in the car, with GPS activated.

We found the rural Methodist church and its small cemetery just south of the county line. Thank goodness we didn't have hundreds of graves to search! There were several stones bearing my maternal grandmother's family name, and within just a minute or so we had found her parents and her paternal grandparents (theirs was one of the oldest graves, so they must have founded the church in the 19th century).

My mom then tells me that she remembers her mother's parents, Arthur and Ida, but they were already quite elderly at the time. Specifically, she remembers Arthur taking her and her siblings out into a field to show them how he found water with a dowsing rod. She said she remembers the stick moving around (she didn't say if they actually found water), but it certainly made an impression on her--and of course, it caught my attention!

Stories about old Southerners using a dowsing rod aren't all that odd, actually. Sure, maybe people were more superstitious back then, or it could be they were more open to things before science (and religion) educated the wonder right out of us. I wonder if great-grandpa Arthur had to keep it a secret from his Methodist brethren? But in the countryside, these sort of things were often tolerated as long as it didn't attract too much attention. Sometimes the dowser didn't even consider his "skill" all that special but more something fun to play around with and impress the children (like my mother).

Just one little story, but it's something!

It's That Time of Year: The Shirts Are Coming Off!

2010-04-02T09:43:00.000-04:00

Ah, spring! Saw my first shirtless jogger this morning while out walking in the Grove.

The weather today is beautiful here--I love living in the South!

(pic from Just Beautiful Men)

Don't Call Me Riverwolf Anymore!

2010-04-01T14:12:00.000-04:00

That's it--I'm so embarrassed by a certain news report that I'm ditching my spirit name, Riverwolf. Why, you ask? What cataclysmic event would cause me to take this drastic action?

Naturally, those media whores Spencer and Heidi Pratt have now adopted Native American spirit names! That's right, the same couple who have so flaunted their "Christianity" that Jesus himself has become an atheist to save face are now calling themselves White Wolf (Heidi) and Running Bear (Spencer).

The whole spectacle has outraged some Native American groups, and I'm right here with them. If I for a moment believed that any of this was sincere, I'd back 'em up--but I don't. I don't know what kind of crazy train these 2 are running, but it is out of control. And if you're scratching your head because you have no idea who I'm talking about--you have been blessed, my child. Take pride in your ignorance!

I'm sure some Native Americans would also have a problem with me calling myself "Riverwolf." However, I'm not claiming it's an authentic Native name of any sort. It simply came to me in a dream, I diligently try to live out what that name symbolizes for me, and I don't go bragging about it to everyone I know! And barely anyone in the "real world" even knows about it. I completely doubt the Pratt's motivations, and it mocks all those of us who have taken similar names as an expression of something we try and live out with integrity every damn day.

And look at me, sitting here trying to justify my name because of Heidi and Spencer! Ack! (But no, I'm really not changing my spirit name because of these 2 goobers.)

If I Lived In Bahrain, Would I Be Arrested for Sorcery?

2010-04-01T11:44:00.000-04:00

So the Middle Eastern nation of Bahrain has made "sorcery" a crime, although they didn't exactly say how sorcery is described. Except to say it could be anything defined as "paranormal" by scientific and religious beliefs. Um, doesn't that present a problem. I mean, science might say that any religion is in itself "paranormal,"--so by that logic you might be considered a sorcerer for just being a good Muslim. And of course, it's very convenient when one religion has the power to label another set of beliefs "paranormal." After all, Muslims can't prove they're praying to the One True God any more than I prove that the images in my head are really animal totems.

Which brings me back to my question. Yes, I suppose I would be arrested if I lived in Bahrain, performing all my rituals, meditations and such. Ridiculous! Set aside the concept of religious freedom for a moment. Sure, we should all respect each other, but that isn't what bothers me most.

What bothers me most is that all religions and spiritual beliefs can be considered "sorcery" depending on your perspective. And none of it can be proven--not praying to Allah or Jesus or holding ceremonies for Mother Earth or Isis. Personally, I don't think any of it is "real" in the way most people conceive it. Let me explain. Say I decide to "curse" my neighbor because his cat pooped in my flower bed, and so I mix some herbs and potions together and light a candle and say a spell. Honestly, I don't think it has any effect on my neighbor--or his cat--unless that neighbor is aware of my intention. If he is aware, then he might begin to associate my "curse" with some bad luck that comes his way--but did my "curse" really work or was it simply the power of suggestion?

I think prayer is the same way. I think if you know people are praying for you or sending good thoughts or whatever, that makes you feel better. But me sitting in my house praying for people in Africa does no good whatsoever, except maybe to make me more aware of Africa, which might lead me to take real action.

Years ago, I examined my Christian faith and decided it didn't work as advertised. So why bother? But I do like ritual, and I can't shake my spiritual bent, so if I'm going to be all crazy religious, then I should at least get something out of it--and so shamanism and nature-based philosophy works for me. But just because I burn sage and ring chimes doesn't make me Harry Potter. Even if I really believe deep down in my heart that I'm tapping into something mystical or paranormal, that still doesn't make it real. For me, I have to walk that fine line and keep that balance. It keeps me grounded, helps me retain my sense of humor and prevents me from falling right back into some crazy fundie literalism like before.

I know this is just me ranting, but I can't help it. It's just so sad when cultures or nations like Bahrain are so entrenched in their worldview that they cannot see their own folly. European cultures have already been through this, and maybe every culture has to do it in order to evolve. There are true crimes in this world that need to be punished--murder, rape, theft and so on--but "sorcery?"

Ricky Martin Is GAY?!

2010-03-29T18:38:00.001-04:00

Indulge me for a moment--but, what?! He's homosexual?! You MUST be kidding! I'm SHOCKED! How could this be? I had NO idea!

Ok, I feel better now. In all honesty and sincerity, I'm pleased as punch that Ricky has decided to come out and tell us what most of the world has known, or at least suspected, for a long while now. So this isn't really news, but "yay" for him and his kids.

As a tip o' the hat to the ever-sexy Mr. Martin, enjoy a live performance of "Livin La Vida Loca." Damn, I loved this song. Even have to admit that I once danced to it with a client at a dinner/conference thingy. Could've been worse!

I'm Buying a New Drum!

2010-03-29T10:23:00.000-04:00

I'm excited because I just ordered my first drum! Yeah, some may say that's backwards--How can you be a shaman without a drum?--but then, I also bought a motorcycle helmet before I even had a motorcycle! All in good time, I say. Since I didn't have an actual drum, I've been using CDs and online music for my meditations, which works just fine.

And since I sold my motorcycle, I decided to channel some of that energy (money) into a really nice drum. I've had plenty of opportunities to buy one, but I wanted something special since this will be used not only for personal use but also for (hopefully) public ceremonies. Buying something more mass-produced just didn't feel right. So why not pay a little extra for something more customized?

From a friend's recommendation, I've purchased my drum from The Drum People, out of Alabama. The drum maker is Cherokee/Metis, and he and his wife hand-make all the drums, beaters and storage bags. I was attracted to them because they use reclaimed cedar wood so that living trees are not cut down. Plus there isn't any mass assembly line churning these things out. So far, my experience working with them has been great. They take time to make sure you get what you want, and they have all kinds of ways to customize your drum and any other accessories. Plus, they emphasize the spiritual energy that goes into making and using a drum, which is important to me. Unfortunately, they no longer hand-paint on the drum heads due to a busy workload, but that's fine with me.

I'll let you know when the drum arrives!

Daily Distraction: Fernando Verdasco

2010-03-26T12:44:00.000-04:00

Tennis anyone?

Yes, I realize this gentleman is on his personal watercraft with nary a tennis racquet in sight. But this is Spanish pro tennis star Fernando Verdasco--and I am completely distracted! For more of Fernando serving up his hotness in Miami, click here.

Oh wait--here's Fernando holding a tennis racquet, courtesy Cosmo. See--told ya he played tennis...

How to Look Really Smart and Identify that Bird Feather You Found

2010-03-26T11:52:00.001-04:00

Don't have time to become a master ornithologist in your spare time or wade into the marshes every weekend with your local bird club? No sweat, just check out the Feather Atlas, from the National Fish & Wildlife Forensics Lab. It's really easy to use--if I can do it, you can, too!

I found 2 different feathers recently and wondered which birdies had lost them. You never know what you might learn by picking up a feather and studying the bird. Could be your bird totem, or maybe that feather has appeared to signal a new lesson. Sure, I had delusions of spending all my extra time with binoculars and a bird book, but my attempts so far have been frustrating and time-consuming. (Those birds need to sit STILL until I find the right page, dammit!)

By using the Feather Atlas, I discovered that I had correctly identified one feather (a blue jay!), and the 2nd one turned out to be from a mourning dove. Do these feathers and their birds have something to teach me? Well, now that I know the bird, I can meditate on the symbolism, and I'll let you know!

What Every Well-Dressed Shaman Is Wearing!

2010-03-25T15:29:00.000-04:00

Sure, this guy may actually be homeless and digging through dumpsters for his outfits--but, I sincerely love his sense of style. I think he looks like a shaman. Call me crazy. I saw his pic on Socialitelife.com. He's apparently just another New Yorker out for a stroll with his pup in a stroller, a gray parrot on his head and the latest fashion. Love it!

Should I Pour It Down the Drain?

2010-03-24T21:14:00.000-04:00

I haven't yet had time to do the research--but should I pour my old cough medicine down the drain? Since my name is Riverwolf, I do have to think about these things. Well, not "have" to, but I simply do. I've read or heard cautions against tossing old medications down the drain or toilet, where they end up in our water supply as well as in fish, turtles, bird and other aquatic life. These critters are much smaller than we so some of this medicine can pack a whallop!

What do you think? Anyone know the answer? It's "only" a prescription cough suppressant, but I have no idea how toxic something like this is to the water supply. I didn't finish all the medicine because I my cough went away. Yes, some medicines you're supposed to take all the doc gives you, but not in this case. And if I keep it until my next cough comes around, well, that could be a while, and the effectiveness could wear off.

Anyone else had concerns with this?

What's On the Altar?

2010-03-23T20:46:00.000-04:00

So this past weekend was the spring equinox, and I set up what was actually my first-ever altar/ceremony for Alban Eiler. I like that term because it's Welsh for "light of spring," which is so much more evocative than the merely technical "equinox." And my dad's family is from somewhere in the British Isles, so it seems to fit me.

On past Alban Eilers, I've been out enjoying the warmer weather, which is certainly a good way to mark the occasion. But I love ritual, and having put several of these together, it's actually difficult to find something that I consider simple yet meaningful. Other rituals I've found online are quite lengthy or are too wrapped up in pseudo-Celtic trappings that it feels more like a stage performance than a spiritual act. (I'm thinking about putting together a book on these and other rituals, something that's very approachable.)

Anyhow, I built this ritual around the themes of renewal, balance and fertility. The daffodils, forsythia and easter eggs speak to fertility (and inside the eggs were pieces of a chocolate bunny and Peeps!). The silvery stick or wand I often use in winter rituals, so it was symbolically put away while bringing out the rattle wrapped in ivy (hand-made by yours truly). Then the sounds made by the rattle and conch horn were used to help "awaken the land," as all the plants and animals stir back to life (i.e., renewal). The yin-yang symbol speaks to balance, obviously, as does the black candle (night/dark) and white candle (day/light).

I also threw in some seasonal poetry and a little background music--oh, and there was wine, too! The tingsha chimes were used to ritually clear the space. Of course, you don't need these rituals to enjoy spring--but for me, it helps me maintain my awareness of how our world works, its countless wonders that are too often overlooked and my place in the grand scheme of being.

I Wanna Be Like Miley!

2010-03-23T09:15:00.001-04:00

So, Miley, since you're, like, ditching "Hannah Montana" after this season, can I be your next alter-ego? No? Come on, that is so, like, not fair! You're not even 18, you're crazy rich, you're practically a Disney character yourself--and you got that hot new Aussie arm candy Liam Hemsworth!

Didn't Billy Ray and Tish teach you to share? Well, better watch your back, Cyrus, cuz Liam ain't safe. I mean, how did that queen Adam Shankman (below) get so cozy with your new BF? I'm just sayin...

A little pop culture moment for you. Oh yeah, and another pic of Liam, just because.

Welcome Spring!

2010-03-21T22:24:00.000-04:00

I hope you've enjoyed these first few days of spring. Here, the weather was beautiful; a little overcast today, but almost 70 degrees--so beautiful nonetheless. The red bud trees have already popped a Eastery purple, clumps of yellow daffodils and pink/purple hyacinths have opened, and yellow forsythia will soon catch up. I placed a few sprigs of forsythia in this vase along with some daffodils from the yard, back at the old house. I used them in an equinox ceremony (more about that later).

Til then, I hope this brightens your day, along with a poem about spring that I found. It captures that brief moment when spring can still be chilly (like this morning, in fact), but you know the sun will soon warm up the earth and every living thing:

"Very Early Spring" by Katherine Mansifield

The field are snowbound no longer;

There are little blue lakes and flags of tenderest green.

The snow has been caught up into the sky--

So many white clouds--and the blue of the sky is cold.

Now the sun walks in the forest,

He touches the bows and stems with his golden fingers;

They shiver, and wake from slumber.

Over the barren branches he shakes his yellow curls.

Yet is the forest full of the sound of tears...

A wind dances over the fields.

Shrill and clear the sound of her waking laughter,

Yet the little blue lakes tremble

And the flags of tenderest green bend and shiver.

Look Ma--I'm Praying on TV!

2010-03-19T11:40:00.001-04:00

Can't believe I hadn't posted about this yet, but with being sick and all, it somehow slipped through the cracks. So last night, yours truly delivered the invocation for a meeting of our esteemed local county commissioners! And I slipped in a little shamanic juju without anyone realizing it!

One of the administrators said she found my minister web site, therefore the invitation. Unlike some places around the country, we still open each county meeting with prayer (this is the Bible belt, after all). Now, there are some neighboring counties where this practice is under challenge, but locally, no such problems. Naturally, I worried about what to say. Do I shake my rattle and dance a jig around the podium while invoking nature spirits? Do I blow my conch horn and really freak everyone out? Will something I say set off the Christians on yet another "witch hunt?" And--most important--what do I wear?

As an interfaith minister, these aren't easy questions to answer. I knew I wanted some sort of reference to nature and I wanted some form of shamanic elements, too. After researching online, I found part of a prayer that I liked, and then I added my own touches. So instead of praying to Jesus, I invoked the "eternal and unseen spirit of the universe." I thought that was nonspecific enough while also expressing my own opinion that spirit does not take the form of a bearded man in the sky.

I also used the words "sacred circle" to hint at Native American and pagan influences. To honor the 4 directions, I talked about drawing a great circle around the county, mentioning real towns that roughly corresponded to east, south, west, north. The commissioners and visitors might not realize it, but they had just been included in a magickal circle--so let the positive energy flow!

Also, with the spring equinox only a few days away, I mentioned balance and harmony, and tied this into the business of the county. I added a few more nods to taxes, bonds and other such glamour; after all, it's a county meeting, which is what the prayer is supposed to focus on.

What did I wear? Well, my teacher likes to say that one way shamans can "shape shift" is by understanding which mask to wear in which situation. In other words, a kilt and face paint may not be appropriate at the county courthouse! So I decided to rock the suit and bow tie. See, I think that if you sneak up on people with some of this alternative spiritual stuff because you present a more familiar image, then they're likely to get your message. And besides, it was on TV! Only the local cable access channel, but hey--who knows who was watching and may have been touched by something I said. Sure, the fundies may have been puzzled by the lack of "Jesus" every 5 words, but my hope is that my focus on what unites us rather than what divides us got past all that.

Oh yeah, and I included a nod to "Battlestar Galactica," too! Wonder if any one caught that? "So say we all!"

My Mom's Valentines Day Card: Colorblindness or Alzheimers?

2010-03-17T18:06:00.001-04:00

I know Valentines Day was last month, however, I only received a sweet card (shown) from my mom last weekend. Seems the postal service delivered my card to the wrong address, and then it was sent back to my mom, who finally hand-delivered it to me this past weekend when I visited. And she had the correct address, so looks like the mail carrier can't read, but whatever.

My mom is so sweet to still give me cards when I'm 42 years old. The message was basically, "I sometimes wish you could be a kid again, but I'm so proud of the adult you've become." Awwwww, thanks, mom! But the odd part was what was on the card, and this is where my concern comes in because I'm not quite sure how to take it.

Like most cards, this one had generic images of 2 kids and an adult, except--they're black! All of them. Clearly, this is a card marketed for black families. Now, I wasn't offended by any means; I just found it strange. And when I said something to my mom and pointed out the pictures, she gazed at the card and just laughed as if to say, "Oh well, silly me!" Again, sweet card, sweet mom--and gosh darn it, I thought, she doesn't even SEE race! Wow. If only we all lived in a world like that. And how lucky am I to have a mom that doesn't even notice skin color!

Except I wonder if there's more to it. She'll be 72 this year. My sister has confided in me that our mom is starting to forget things and drop random bits into conversations. Plus, I have 1 uncle and 1 aunt who already have Alzheimers! I'm not sure how to take it. I don't want to press too much and make her self-conscious and sound ungrateful, but I also don't want to ignore clear warning signs that something's wrong. Colorblind or Alzheimers--which do you think it is?

Critters Living in Icy, Dark Antarctic Challenge Our Concept of "Life"

2010-03-16T20:25:00.000-04:00

Scientists pulling ice cores in the Antarctic just discovered a jellyfish and a shrimp in one of their samples, showing that life can thrive in very hostile conditions (meaning, bone-ass cold and black as pitch). Reminds me of other recent news about microbes living next to sizzlin' volcanic vents. And so the scientists wonder, as scientists do, whether we might one day find life on a frozen, icy moon like Europa.

That got me to thinking more about this. Sure, some icy-cold moon shrimp isn't exactly Little Green Men, but it is life. And that's amazing, don't you think? Who knows, there could be some form of life right now on humid ol' Venus. There's still so much we don't know about our own solar system. Just because we haven't had a response yet from all our attempts at conversation, doesn't mean something isn't out there somewhere. And frankly, I'll take moon shrimp over Aliens any day!

No More Shaman Mentor

2010-03-15T10:54:00.000-04:00

Back in January, you may remember that I had been approached by a local student who asked me to serve as her mentor on a graduation project about shamanism. Well, she's changed her mind! Which, now that I've known the girl for a while, seems to be a trend. Shamanism was her second project idea, after her first didn't turn out--and now she's onto a third, with less than a month to complete everything! Ah, to be a teenager again (not really).

I'm disappointed, certainly, since I was looking forward to how this would turn out. Plus I thought she was pretty bold for choosing this topic. She had already begun work on a ritual tool kit, but it appears her research paper turned her off. Which is a shame--she never did take me up on my multiple offers to help her refine the topic and figure out what to write about. But, as they say, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink!

But she's on this particular path for a reason, as am I, and so I hope we can both learn what small or big lessons were here in this situation for us to learn. Hmmm, that's always the trick!

Motorcycle Is Sold!

2010-03-12T16:08:00.000-05:00

*Le sigh* Well, I did it! Found a serious buyer on Craigslist, and he drove--not kidding--almost 2 hours to buy the bike for his wife, and he brought cash! Got a good price for it, too. But it all happened so fast, that I barely had time to think about it. Which is probably a good thing, given my attachment to it. Now that it's gone, there's no going back. And yes, the extra cash will come in handy. Hmmm, now maybe I'll get that tattoo....

Official "Telephone" Video by Lady Gaga and Beyonce Is Out!

2010-03-12T12:59:00.000-05:00

And it is off the hook! It's really a mini-movie: think "Kill Bill" meets "Thelma & Louise." Click here to view it on YouTube.

Gaga has some fierce phone fashion for the gays, a lesbian prison fantasy for, well, the lesbians, and plenty of g-string dancing for the fellas. In one scene, she's wearing only strips of "crime scene" tape!

She also sports some sunglasses made out of--get this--cigarettes! And they're actually lit! Plus, the "Kill Bill" Pussy Wagon is back! Girl is crazy.

Gaga and "Honey-B"

I'm Selling My Motorcycle!

2010-03-11T16:05:00.000-05:00

Lordy, this is like giving up a child--it's like "Sophie's Choice!" Well, maybe not--but it feels that way!

So why am I doing this? Well, I haven't ridden it much lately, only twice since last November. True, the weather hasn't exactly cooperated, but it seems my energy is going in other directions. And yet, I still have to maintain the bike, keep it all lubed up (*wink*) and running, and I just don't have the motivation--or the cash--to do so right now. And then I just felt like I should try and sell it. Since I'm trying to listen to my intuition more these days, I decided to give it a shot. I can always buy another some day.

I've had a lot of fun on the bike, but it is weird how "things" become an extension of your ego--which isn't necessarily bad but then again, not necessarily good either. I am not my bike! In a way, it feels freeing to sell it, to unburden myself from 1 more responsibility. Feels like I'm traveling lighter already!

Now, excuse me while I go bawl my eyes out!

Last Night's Dream: Who Are These People in My Attic and Why Am I Performing Shamanic Voodoo to Get Rid of Them?

2010-03-10T20:57:00.001-05:00

Yes, it was one of those dreams where you can barely wake up and, once you do, you're convinced it was real. So vivid! (And no--there really isn't anything called "shamanic voodoo" so don't get all PC on me.) I'd love to hear anyone's thoughts on what it might symbolize.

So here's how it went down:

I was in my house (didn't look like my real house, of course, but that's dreams for you) and somehow was aware there were people in my attic (like "Flowers in the Attic?"). I'm talking, like, a whole extended family or something. Don't know how they got there, but they had to go. Not sure why I didn't just charge rent, but whatever. They all looked like refugees from "La Boheme" (go figure). As I approached, they recoiled in fear, as if I was going to beat them senseless. I would never do that, of course, but I did have some kind of plan.

The attic had these wooden vertical support columns, sort of like stripper poles (ouch--splinters!). For some reason, I walked over and touched the pole, and when I did, it appeared in my hand but much smaller, almost like a tree limb or branch. Somehow, I knew this stick held the answer to my attic refugee dilemma.

Then *poof*, I'm with friends in an abandoned warehouse. It was mostly empty except for some litter, cardboard--and lots of water and mud. I'm not sure why, but we had to clean it all out, and this had some connection to those people in my attic. It felt like a test or challenge, like they have on reality shows where you only get the prize if you first eat mealworms or something gross.

With that done, I'm back in my attic and now I must choose who can stay and who must go, just like "RuPaul's Drag Race," just without the sequins! You'd think I'd want all those people out of my attic, but for some reason this all made sense to me. I remember deliberating about it carefully and for a long time, and then narrowed it down to 5 people who had to leave.

But when I pulled those 5 people out of the crowd, it was like they transformed into something I can only describe like voodoo dolls--very tiny, except they could still talk and move! And they kept going back and forth from regular human size to voodoo doll size. Then I had to put each person in this container of mud (mud, again!) and then insert those sticks (formerly known as stripper poles) into the mud. Freaky. It was like some weird cleansing ritual, I guess. Of course, this all seemed perfectly natural and rational during the dream.

As I'm doing this, a woman appears in the attic out of thin air. Light surrounds her, she has wings and a flowing dress, sort of like an angel but I knew she was a goddess. She doesn't speak but her presence lets me know that, at least, I'm not pissing off the deities with my attic eviction! In fact, I get the understanding that she is their patron saint, of sorts, and she is offering her blessing. Then, right before my eyes, she transforms into a large bird! Hmmm, wonder which goddesses have bird totems?

So I turn back to my ritual, placing the sticks or branches into the mud around these people/voodoo dolls--and this is really where the dream ends. I never see the people actually leave the attic. But I remember coming in and out of sleep, feeling I had to be very specific about my actions to get it just right. It was very important that I do it correctly, not just for me but also for those people. And, oddly, this didn't feel constraining at all but the emotion I recall was something like being "in the zone," when I'm writing or working on one of my shaman rituals in the waking world. A communion with spirit!

An epic dream, certainly, one of the most detailed and cohesive I've had in a long while. If you have any interpretations, fire away!

Pneumonia, Taxes, Art, Home Repair--and Aliens--All in About a Week!

2010-03-09T20:29:00.000-05:00

Wow, has it already been a week since I last posted?! It's a blur, really. Somehow in the last week (or so), I've managed to complete my taxes, take in a new local art exhibition, sand the walls of the bathrooms in my house in preparation for painting, see "District 9" (surprising!)--and recover from what my doctor says was the beginnings of pneumonia!

I'm tired! So today, with the weather irresistibly beautiful in that teasing way of an approaching spring, I blew off the afternoon and had a cocktail with a friend, sitting outdoors at a local hotel. VERY fancy, thank you.

Don't forget to grab life while you can!

Earthquake in Chile Leads to Pole Shift!

2010-03-02T21:20:00.000-05:00

I saw "2012"--oh, why didn't I pay attention?!

In keeping with my posts on natural disasters and the futility of it all, here's something more. No, the Chilean earthquake didn't cause a complete pole shift (we're all still here, after all), but apparently it did mess with the Earth's rotation. Wow, that's freakin' scary! I mean, if a little ol' earthquake can throw off the entire dang planet, hell, anything's possible!

Hawaii Saved from Tsunami by Waves of Shamanic Energy!

2010-03-02T21:13:00.000-05:00

It's almost like "Wonder Twin Powers--Activate!" Well, not exactly. But launching from my last post, here's something else that's stuck in my craw.

Right after the earthquake struck Chile this past weekend, I was watching the unfolding news while also checking my email (I'm such the multitasker). News reports were predicting a possible major tsunami headed across the Pacific, potentially hitting Hawaii. Given my skepticism about praying or otherwise affecting the outcome of things like this, I could only watch. That may sound harsh, but--well, that is the nature of life. We may not like it, but we humans are often powerless, especially in the face of nature, whether it takes the form of major storms or some virus taking over our bodies. We like to think it doesn't work that way--but when has it ever been any different? Of course, all our religions and spiritual traditions teach that if you pray just right or dance in a circle or sacrifice the prettiest virgin, then *poof!* all is well!

Shamanic traditions are full of this sort of thing, too. Contrary to what you might think, I don't believe that shaking a bone is going to halt a hurricane any more than praying to Jesus. I'm attracted to shamanism because I think it has wisdom that can help us powerless humans learn to live with things as they are. Instead of resisting snowstorms and hurricanes and illnesses, how can we adapt, learn from these natural occurrences--and survive? I think most of how we interact with the wider world is based on illusion, and I think shamanism can help shatter those illusions. This means, unfortunately, that floods will come, people will get sick and die, earthquakes will rattle our homes and brains--why should it be any different? The expectation that it should be different is what drives our panic, our suffering, and I think if we can let that go, we can live happier lives, for as long as we have them.

But back to my story. So I opened an email message from the man who led the shamanic mystery school I attended recently--and I was truly disappointed. In the message, he asked us to send "shamanic energy" out to stop the tsunami from striking Hawaii. I respect this man on many levels, but I think he's wrong on this. It bothered me for several reasons. First, if it's possible to do this, then we're really no different than Pat Robertson when he talks of moving hurricanes away from a city--or when he says God sent another storm to punish America for homosexuality. Second, there are lots of other little islands out there in the Pacific, most not as prepared as Hawaii would be. Hawaii is one of my teacher's favorite spots, but it would have been more, I don't know, "loving" of him to include the entire Pacific. And besides, even if we could "protect" Hawaii, wouldn't it just deflect the waves to neighboring islands, endangering them even more? I mean, I at least believe that energy has to GO somewhere.

Then, once the threat had passed, another email went out, thanking us all for protecting Hawaii. Seriously? How about an email asking us to send some kind of help to those poor people in Chile? You'd think if shamanism really works in this way, then some kind of sixth sense would have awakened us in the middle of the night--just like dogs often bark before a quake--so that we could all synchronize our energy fields and shut that quake down. But no, that didn't happen. Chile split open. What's the point of preventing a tsunami if you can't stop an 8.8 earthquake? And it's so simple-minded to say, when things go as we hope, "Look, we saved Hawaii!" But what if it had turned out differently? What would we say then?

I'm glad a tsunami didn't inundate Hawaii or Tahitit or the Marquesas or Easter Island--but I think it had more to do with tectonic plates and ocean floors and waves and even the tug of our own moon than a handful of people having nice thoughts. I'd like to believe things like this are possible. It's just that I've never seen it happen. Not as a Christian way back when and not as a shaman now. The problem here, again, is power. I don't believe being a Christian makes you God's favorite, who then works powerful things on your behalf. I don't believe shamanism gives you special powers, either, over nature or people or things. The only power we can ever achieve, regardless of our belief system, is power over ourselves.

When empowered, we can help those injured in the Chilean earthquake rebuild their lives, or we might work together to improve seismic monitoring technology in the Pacific. We might be empowered to improve building codes and construction technology or evacuation procedures. And we might comfort someone who lost a relative or their home, helping them grieve and helping them find closure. We might also help them to remember that all of this is part of life, part of the world we live in--and it's still good. Shaking our fists makes no difference, nor do futile displays of invoking gods, chanting or praying, or beaming thoughts. Yet, this does not fill me with despair. That's what I want--to see the truth, to shatter all the illusions and still be filled with joy. That is freedom. That is spirit. And that makes life worth living no matter what happens to us.

Reiki, Prayer, Energy Work: Just Whistling in the Wind?

2010-03-01T14:31:00.000-05:00

Been sick the last several days, coughing til my head hurts, blowing my nose raw and so on. No fever, fortunately--so I think I'll live. But this little physical ailment has got me thinking again, which we all know is dangerous.

Several of my friends have said they would send "healing energy" my way (some are Reiki practitioners), or that they would pray for me, or hold me in "the light" or even break out the crystal bowls and tone for my recovery. It's great to have friends--but does any of this shit work? I mean, it's been almost a week and I'm still sick!

Now, this could indicate any number of things. One, I'm impatient. Two, my symptoms would've been much, much worse without all that healing energy. Or three, no, none of that crap works but it makes us puny humans feel like we can make a difference when the big, bad world unleashes itself on us.

Truth is, you can't tell. No way, no how. Maybe things like prayer help, but there isn't any way to know. You gotta take it on faith. And maybe, faith in and of itself, makes a difference and can actually contribute toward you simply feeling better, which is certainly part of any recovery process. There are even people researching the effects of these methods.

But call me skeptical. It was this sort of thing that caused me to wave bye-bye to Christianity about 6 years ago. I had prayed for all kinds of things but realized I could never say for sure if anyone was listening or acting on my behalf. And really, this is the same thing. So yes, you gotta have faith. But having faith still doesn't make something true. Because if faith alone is enough--then WHY hasn't this guy below knocked on my door yet??

Shaman Snapshot: Russia

2010-02-24T20:16:00.000-05:00

I just stumbled on this photo of a shaman in, I believe, the region of Siberia. Now that is some serious shaman drag! The photo was attached to a story about how someone in Russia (back in 2009) was looking to elect a "supreme shaman" by vote in order to help unify various groups and fight against repression. Interesting. Of course, many folks--and shamans--weren't too happy about it.

This story has a little more on the reasoning behind the vote idea and what Russian shamans face in their daily lives. I did look but couldn't find a story on the actual outcome of the vote.

And below is a photo of Russian shaman Filipp Ardeyev.

Want to Sell Your House Quick for Top Dollar? Hire a Shaman!

2010-02-22T21:28:00.001-05:00

Yes, the headline is meant to be sarcastic. I'd like to get your opinion on something, and I suppose it can apply to shamanism or to any spiritual path. In my recent post about shamanic expressions at the Vancouver Olympics, a news story described how a shaman blessed the sleds of the skeleton team. And this bothered me. I wondered, is it "right" or spiritually appropriate to do something like this? I hear about this more and more, individuals who call themselves a shaman offering various blessings on events, homes and objects, with what seems like a specific goal in mind. Does that de-value the practice somehow?

As you may know, I now offer home blessings myself for those who have recently bought a new home. I go in, clear out the old and usher in the new, and work with the family to create the kind of loving environment they truly want. But when a friend suggested that I bless her house to help it sell, I balked. Then someone else suggested I offer my services to local Realtors in order to move houses. My gut said no. So then I hear about this Canadian shaman blessing sleds, which I assuming was to help propel the athletes to Olympic glory.

Now, there isn't anything wrong with winning an Olympic medal or selling a house. But it feels different when I bless a home somehow has just purchased or moved into. My intention is to help them bring to life, to manifest, the kind of home they want--not with things but with love, warmth and safety. But blessing a house so its sells is very specific. What if it takes 1 year to sell instead of 1 month--does that mean the blessing didn't "work?" What if the seller doesn't get their ideal selling price--did it not "work?" When it comes to outcomes like these, people have all kinds of expectations. And I believe strongly that something can "work" even when it turns out completely opposite from how you hoped or intended.

It could be that some of these opportunities are coming my way in order to simply help me work out in my own mind how I feel about these things. Which is good. Part of my problem with some of these requests is that they remind me of some Christians who believe they can pray their way to a great parking spot, an "A" on a test or into the arms of their one true love. That always sickened me. Spirituality--Christian, shaman or whatver--isn't a magic trick. It isn't a switch you flip in order to get something.

I would never say this out loud to anyone who I turned down for a blessing, but it seems to me that their priorities are misplaced. Are they just interested in selling the house for as much money as possible, or do they truly want to tap into the subtle energies present in the home? If a house doesn't sell, I believe shamanism would point us toward personal patience. We might ask questions like: Whose advice about the selling price have I ignored? How can I better present my home so it will sell? Or, is the universe telling me to stay put and not sell? What can be learned from this experience? Shamanism isn't about instant results, but to me it's about sifting through the layers of everyday life for the greater meaning and purpose. Shamanism doesn't "care" whether the house sells or not, but rather it is here to teach us about ourselves and our world.

So maybe I've answered my own questions! Writing does seem to help me sort it out. So--thoughts on the matter anyone?

A River Runs Through My Life

2010-02-20T10:06:00.002-05:00

The creek in Latham Grove, photographed in summer 2009

Funny how we overlook themes or connections--streams, if you will--in our lives. Then they sneak up on us and say, "Duh--hello!" That happened to me this morning on my walk. A large creek runs through Latham Grove, where I live, flowing north through the city until it empties into a larger river outside of town. The creek is one reason why I moved here, but it wasn't until about 30 minutes ago that I remembered an older connection I have to this creek.

It shouldn't be surprising, since I've always been drawn to water. Lakes in my childhood, an ocean and a major river while in college in Florida, the creek in Brandtlund Grove and now here.

My little revelation just hit me out of the blue, as these things do. The creek is part of 2 city parks, and my first connection emerged not quite 20 years ago when I got my first real job here. I had an hour commute since I was living elsewhere, and since I had little money, I would pack my lunch and leave the office to get some air. Just a few blocks away was this park and creek, what I now call Latham Grove. I could park my car and see the creek and lots of green space. I would eat, read and think. Now that I think back, it was a difficult time in my life since I was just coming to terms with being gay. This park--this creek--provided safety and rest along my spiritual journey.

I probably visited the park only for a year, maybe two. Now here I am again. I can walk from my apartment all the way to where I once parked my car to eat, read and think. I can look out my front upstairs window and see this same creek as it makes it way north. Once again it's a place of safety, rest and healing. So I stood by the creek this morning, taking this all in and feeling grateful, so grateful.

A river runs through my life.

With that in mind, here's "River of Love" by Sam Phillips, a favorite from my college days.

More Shamanism at Vancouver Olympics

2010-02-20T09:41:00.003-05:00

I haven't had time to watch much of the Vancouver Olympics, however, I see that shamanic or pagan images keep popping up. Wonder what that's all about?

Canada's Jon Montgomery (above) just won gold in the skeleton event. If you look at his helmet, it sports a stylized turtle image, in the manner of Canada's native peoples. Montgomery started wearing the helmet (pictured) after a shaman told him that his spirit animal was a turtle! Seems a few people poked fun at Jon--a racer, for wearing an image usually associated with slowness--but now he gets the last laugh. And turtle medicine is actually quite powerful. I became more familiar with it last year.

There was more shamanism evident in the Opening Ceremony: Canada's first peoples dancing and drumming, a spirit bear, mystical trees and salmon, a shaman walking north with his magickal staff, and more. Sia at Full Circle gives a good review of it here.

I don't know how deeply or seriously people are taking all this--but it can only be a good thing. Just the fact that more people are recognizing the importance of native ways, of animal wisdom, of the spirit of a particular place--I believe all of this sticks with us and affects us in ways that will one day amaze and humble us. It's spirit's way of getting our attention and leading us in the way we should go. I had this very experience this morning on my walk, and I'll post about that next.

Galactic Gears in Motion

2010-02-17T11:06:00.000-05:00

Have you ever felt energy shift--I mean, literally? Maybe this sounds crazy but I believe we all experience this--we just often ignore it.

We've all "felt" things, circumstances or whatever, click into place as if they were literal pieces of a puzzle? But this is even more than that. It isn't just having a good day. It's more like making a decision and then feeling the effects of that decision trigger giant, celestial gears into turning, as if an entire apparatus is now moving based on one small action, an apparatus that formerly had been poised, still, waiting for you to act.

That's how this week has been. I sense something's changed, something's moving again. It's a little of a relief, and it's a little scary, too, because other options have now been closed off.

What the hell am I talking about? I could write forever on this, but I'm not quite ready. I will say that I've decided to reunite with my partner. There are many reasons why. Mostly I looked at what kind of person I want to be, and I realized that there are many things I can still learn from him. And, ultimately, I love him.

And that decision has set these great gears into motion.

The Most Interesting Thing I've Seen All Day

2010-02-16T15:58:00.000-05:00

Is, naturally, Lady Gaga. Here she is arriving at the Brit Awards (where she is changing her show to honor the late Alexander McQueen).

Once again, Gaga has inspired me. I love the way she constantly pushes herself to stay creative. I have plans tonight with friends, and so I'm going to step up the fashion just a hair. I mean, these things take planning! I could just throw on jeans--which is what I had in mind--but we'll see what else I can come up with. But baby steps...

Otherwise, work is work. Good news on the romantic front: Things with my partner are going really well, so stay tuned for more updates. We're still in the process of getting the house ready to sell, so bathroom walls are being sanded and primed in preparation for painting.

Busy day, too. I had hopes to carve out 15 minutes or so for a meditation (several things to explore!)--so maybe that will still happen.

Until next time, be good to yourself and love someone today.

You're Blocking My Vibe Reception!

2010-02-11T22:05:00.000-05:00

I'm a skeptic about lots of things. Maybe not as strong as some people, but I'm skeptical about more things than some would expect.

For example, when people say things like, "I'm sending you healing energy right now!" It feels exactly like a Christian prayer and, while there isn't anything wrong with that, it's just that I came to feel several years ago that prayer didn't work. And since "sending energy" feels the same, well, I'm skeptical.

But tonight while eating dinner at home, I got to thinking about this. I was seated at my small dining table, and several feet away sits a radio on top of a chest. The radio was on, and I was listening to some NPR news program. But then the signal suddenly faded until it was almost gone completely. I grumbled about the reception but didn't move to do anything. And then I sat back in my chair--and the signal come in loud and strong!

I realized that it was my own body that was interfering with the signal. Now, this may not be any grand revelation--but it got me to thinking. And I experimented. Whenever I would lean forward over my plate, the signal faded. When I sat back, the signal was loud and clear. So just that relatively small movement made a big difference. My body was interfering with the radio waves, interfering with invisible waves carrying sound over great distances and being attacted to my radio. I don't know why or how exactly, but that's obviously what was happening. I just sat there wondering about this in amazement that it was, one, even possible, and wondering about what other sorts of things are happening all around me that I can't see. Does my physical presence or my actions have more of an influence that I am willing to believe?

We all take radio waves for granted, even if we don't know exactly how they work. We can't see them or feel them. Only 1 of our senses is affected (hearing). It got me to thinkin that there's a helluva lot in this world that I don't understand, and there's a helluva lot going on that I can't sense in any tangible way--yet, something's there. What do you think?

If You Stutter, There May Soon Be More H-H-Help

2010-02-11T09:11:00.000-05:00

And yes, I can joke about it because I was once an awful stutterer! Braces did seem to help, but I still lapse into a stutter sometimes if I get particularly nervous or excited about something. Seems to be aggravated, too, by how I'm breathing.

Anyway, scientists have now identified genes that may play a role in stuttering. So, no, you can't blame your parents any more.

Divination and Romance: Give Me Some Guidance Already!

2010-02-10T15:39:00.000-05:00

Since things with my partner are going much better, I've been leaning toward getting back together with him. Nothing's been decided yet, but I do wonder if that is the "right" decision. Of course, I also believe there really is no "right" decision; it's all in what I want most, what I want for my life. Be that as it may, I was pondering all this the other day and thought a little divination might help.

Unlike some, I don't believe divination provides specific answers. But I do think it can help us clear away the filters we put up in order to see what our deeper desires are, what our subconscious is really saying--and for whatever reason, I feel that is more honest. Still not "right" or "wrong" but simply more honest. No matter the form of divination, your question is always: "How do I feel about _______?"

So I tried a couple of types of divination, to see what answers I would get. No surprise, perhaps, but I kept getting different answers! Some would say this just proves divination is hooey--or it may simply be an indication of the indecision I'm experiencing.

Stone Casting
First I tried stone casting (a form of geomancy), using 3 stones: one multicolored, one lighter stone and one much darker stone. You hold the stones, ask the question, toss them and then get your "yes" or "no answer based on which stone--the lighter or the darker--has landed closest to the multicolored stone (also called the "teaching stone." So I did this 3 times, each time asking how I felt about getting back together with my partner. I got 1 "yes," 1 "no" and 1 "don't know," when the lighter and darker stones fell an equal distance from the teaching stone. Hmmm, ok, not very helpful!

Picture Casting

This form also uses stones but 7 instead of 3, and they can be any color. Once the stones land (best to toss on floor for this one), you walk around the "picture" they have created in order to see it from all perspectives, all the while trying to determine if anything about the shape stands out. Does it look like something? Are the stones pointing in a specific direction? In my case, the stones fell really close together--and, I kid you not, formed a lowercase "y" shape, which I took to mean "yes!"

Pendulum

I also tried the good ol' pendulum for good measure. You ask the same question, then get your answer based on the pendulum's movement--and, honestly, I always have to look. There's clockwise, counterclockwise, and up and down, but I forget now which is "yes," "no" and "don't know." Regardless, my results after 3 asks were: 2 "yes" and 1 "don't know."

Tarot

Well, I couldn't go without drawing a tarot card, now could I? After shuffling my deck and asking my question, I drew the Five of Cups. Now, the 5 of any suite is positive, regardless of whether it's upside down or not. However, the Five of Cups has to do with disappointment and loss. It could be that you are saying goodbye to someone or something; it could also mean you are simply longing to be reunited; or it may be acknowledging mistakes--none of which are answers per se.

So, the grand total was 4 "Yes," 2 "Don't Know" and 1 "No." Going back to the question--how do I feel about going back to my partner--the majority of the answers would say that I feel positively about this idea. But that doesn't really tell me how things will turn out if I do!

And therein lies my struggle. I can't know, and there isn't any way to find out. I can try divination to get a clue, or I can simply use my own limited wisdom and experience--but nothing will prevent me from taking a risk either way. It's all a gamble, always has been and always will be.

The Surprise Reason Why I'm Glad the New Orleans Saints Won the Super Bowl

2010-02-08T11:07:00.003-05:00

It isn't because I like football--hell, I don't even know what they're doing out there on that field! It's kinda because Hurricane Katrina (and the government) pummeled the city 5 years ago--but that isn't it entirely. And it might be partly because Coach Sean Payton is kinda sexy, as far as NFL coaches go (woof!)--but that still isn't it. No, the reason I'm glad is because I can finally hold my head high after buying a New Orleans Saints book bag in 3rd grade and suffering for it!

It was quite tragic, as has been the Saints' overall NFL record. So, back in 3rd grade, all my classmates were excited because we could order book bags showing any of the NFL teams. We could choose whichever team we liked, and the bag would show the team's colors. Unfortunately, I didn't know a damn thing about football. My parents weren't sports fans nor were my brothers--I don't think I'd even seen a game on TV yet. I certainly didn't play myself.

Black and Gold Was SO "In" that Season
So imagine my confusion as I scanned the list of NFL teams, trying to decide which one I should order. I knew what "dolphins" were and "colts" and "cowboys," but what exactly was a "steeler?" And I was totally caving to peer pressure. I had no idea who to choose, but I figured that if everyone else was so excited about ordering these book bags, well, I'd have to order one to be cool, if nothing else. Oh, so sad--it was like an episode of "Ugly Betty" (good intentions but ridicule and tragedy around the corner!).

To make my decision, I did what any budding gay boy would do--I picked the team that had the prettiest colors! (And some nitwits say being gay isn't inborn!) I thought the Saints' black and gold were quite elegant as was the fleur-de-lis (oooh, French--I felt so European!). So I checked that box, had my mom write a check and waited in anticipation with my classmates for the book bags to arrive.

Let the Mocking Begin
Then the day came when the bags arrived and were passed out to us. I vaguely remember thinking my choice would be recognized as quite the tasteful fashion statement. Naturally, everyone had to see which team's book bag you had ordered--and then it began. "You like the SAINTS?!" "The Saints suck!" "Why did you order a Saints bag?" *snort-snicker-ha, ha!*

That's right--I had picked the ONE team that no one else had ordered, that no one else respected. In some way, it was kind of sweet: the misfit NFL book bag for the misfit boy! But I didn't back down so easily. I'll have you know I carried that bag proudly (that black-and-gold fleur-de-lis WAS elegant, you backwoods, hillbilly Philistines!) When I rode the bus and the kids pointed, snickered and laughed at me and my Saints bag, I just ignored them (fortunately, one of the older boys did rescue me once from the taunting--thank you, Scott!).

A Win for that 3rd-Grade Gay Boy!
So last night as the Saints came back from their 10-point deficit to win the Super Bowl in their first-ever appearance, I was there with them--a little 3rd-grader carrying his Saints bag and running down the field toward the end zone! As they lifted the Super Bowl trophy in victory, I imagined myself on that old school bus gripping that book bag in all it's fleur-de-lis elegance and thrusting it into the air in vindication! The Saints had won, and in some small way, so had I! So stick that in your eye.

And what happened to my book bag? Fittingly, perhaps, the end was tragic. Later that school year, I was riding the bus home one day when I became nauseous--and promptly blew chunks all over my beautiful black-and-gold Saints bag! Mom had to throw it away after that. But I've never forgotten it--and I never will!

A Night of Drumming, the Green Fairy and Fire!

2010-02-07T15:56:00.000-05:00

Got together last night with some friends who attended the Shamanic Mystery School with me last year, for "food, fun and fellowship" as the Christians like to say. Except it was a lot more fun and boisterous than any of those Baptist get-togethers I used to frequent.

Bawdy humor, of the shamanic variety, a great venison dish and my first taste of absinthe! I didn't actually see any green fairies (as the drink was once called) but then i only had 1 small glass. But it was tasty--if you like licorice.

Then the 6 of us headed outdoors around the fire for some drumming, and my friend sang a beautiful Native American song. Then we took turns throwing something into the fire that symbolized what we wanted to leave behind (my fear of what others think) and something symbolizing 1 thing we wanted to create this year (a new relationship with my partner). The fire was warm as was the spirit energy in that small circle. Then we headed back inside for a long period of drumming. It's been long overdue!

And so I left feeling refreshed and my perspective--on lots of things--renewed. Now to just hold on to that perspective and try to carry it into the coming week.

Thanks for stopping by!

MORE Snow and Ice!

2010-02-05T08:37:00.000-05:00

I woke up this morning to a few more inches of snow, and now we have rain/freezing rain! Well, I guess that screws the plans I had tonight to meet friends for dinner and a gallery hop. Things pretty much shut down 'round here when the weather turns bad.

Should I go to my doc appt? I have a routine appointment this morning for some lab work. I may try to call, however, you rarely get through to a real, live human being who can tell you anything, such as whether their office has closed.

And then work. I do have lots to do today, however, the office is open (I checked). Ugh--I so do not want to be out in this mess today!

Party at My Pad! Wrapping Up My Quest to Join the Illuminati With Final Steps 16-18

2010-02-04T18:59:00.000-05:00

Ok, it's almost graduation time, kids, when we get to flip that Illuminati tassle over to the other side! Oh yeah, there will totally be a kegger afterwards (and Illuminati brothers totally have the best party connections). If you've been paying attention, then you know I've been acing this Illuminati application thing. I have a few steps to knock out but mostly, I'm in!

Finally, the last 3 of 18 steps. Drum roll, please!

16) Be judicious with what you tell people.

Hell, I do this already! As I've said before, I don't go around just telling anyone that I'm a shaman. So hiding my Illuminati ambitions will be a piece of cake!

17) Always appear to know more than what you are revealing.

Ok, I can work on that. Typically, I like to play a little dumb to throw everyone off--but this should be fun. Get 'em worked up and leave 'em wantin' more!

18) Be patient. You can only join the Illuminati after years of demonstrating your worth. This could take decades.

Well, my partner has always said that I'm persistent and I never let anything go (hmmmm). And patience? See #1!

Joining the Illuminati wasn't as difficult as I thought. As membership privileges roll my way, I'll be sure to let you know how I make out and how much power, money, influence I have. Don't be a hater.

Daily Distraction: My Favorite "Twilight" Vamp, Kellan Lutz, Strips to His Skivvies

2010-02-03T13:28:00.001-05:00

Calvin Klein has convinced Kellan Lutz (*swoon*) to drop his drawers for a new underwear ad. It's times like this that I know there must be a God!

If You're Healthy and Reading This, Thank Henrietta Lacks

2010-02-02T21:21:00.000-05:00

Hmmm, I bet some racists won't like this news ("You mean some black woman's cells were in that vaccine you gave to my lily-white Aryan child?!"). Yes, and it's keeping your useless ass alive, but Lord only knows why.

Fascinating, however, how Henrietta Lacks' cells have never died. I read about this a few years ago in graduate school, but we didn't get into the actual person's name or her background. Personally, I think it's really cool--and appropriate, in a cosmic-justice sort of way--that a poor, African-American woman has had such a positive, life-affirming effect on millions of people around the world. Not that it should surprise us--just that it's all happened without anyone really knowing about it.

Of course, some will see government conspiracy or even further evidence of racism since Henrietta's cells were taken from a tumor without her knowledge. But she might have a bigger heart than all of us and simply think it's a great achievement.

Naturally, some of her relatives think that, because her cells have never died, Henrietta has some special connection to or purpose from the Almighty! I can hang with that. Thanks, Henrietta.

Here's more about "The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks"--which I totally have to buy.

"Gaga" for Lady Gaga's Grammy Gown?

2010-02-01T16:43:00.000-05:00

If you saw the Grammys, I'm sure you had an opinion! So what DO you think of Lady Gaga's custom Giorgio Armani gown? Please vote in my poll in sidebar at right!

Looking Toward Spring: Imbolc 2010

2010-02-01T16:01:00.000-05:00

Took this pic of the icicles out my window over the weekend. We got around 8 inches of snow, which is quite a lot for the area. And these icicles grew even longer as the temps varied, turning into long, pointy ice daggers by end of day.

Had my 2010 Imbolc celebration yesterday, here at the midpoint between winter and spring. Much to my surprise, my partner joined in (he really is trying to salvage our relationship, which makes my ol' Grinchy heart grow a size larger). I was also surprised that, earlier in the day, he got to work cleaning the house! That-never-happens. Well, what a perfect transition into Imbolc, a time when some symbolically purified their homes by doing an early spring cleaning.

So my partner and I gathered 'round the dining room table, where I set up my altar (pictured below). After clearing the space and lighting the candles, I handed out 2 seeds/nuts (I think they're hazelnuts--not sure. It was all we had, and my partner had collected them ages ago. Hmmm, maybe he's a closet shaman and doesn't know it yet...). Another Imbolc tradition is to have a feast to celebrate the pending return of nature's abundance, so we chowed down for lunch--which included cheese; dairy products have a connection to Imbolc because it's supposedly near the time when lambs begin nursing.

Also on the altar is my white "power wand" to symbolize St. Brighid, a holly twig to symbolize spring (everything else was under 8 inches of snow!) and some books of poetry, since Brighid was Christianized into the patroness of poets. After we finished eating, we each read a poem, then held the seeds as we talked about what we hoped would grow in 2010. I mentioned my spiritual practice as well as more physical exercise. And my partner said he would keep doing whatever was necessary to keep our relationship intact.

It was a beautiful, wintry weekend, very reflective, which is 1 reason I enjoy this time of year. As to the relationship status, I'm pondering all this over. Much to sort out still, so stay tuned.

Blessings!

Storm's a Comin'!

2010-01-29T13:33:00.000-05:00

Brrrr! Gotta get all bundled up this weekend for the snow! Maybe the storm will even help facilitate a little romance... Weather service says we could get 6-10 inches in this area--that's SNOW, I'm talking about!

My Quest to Join the Illuminati: Steps 13-15

2010-01-29T11:30:00.000-05:00

Almost made it through my little Illuminati checklist. After these 3, only 3 more to go!

13) Have all your outward appearances be that of a decent, moral and upstanding citizen.

Oh, sister, I already have them ALL fooled! Done.

14) Openly become a member of the Christian clergy while secretly holding some occult practice.

Easy one. I was ordained as an interfaith minister several months ago--and most people think I just do weddings (how sweet, right?) But most don't realize that I also get my ju-ju on and bang my shaman drums! I can shape-shift with the best of 'em!

15) Create a network of connections that form a hierarchy.

Hmmm--does my experience with Amway count? Yes--it's true. I was once in Amway (hangs head in shame). BUT, it's all about schemes called "pyramids" and hierarchies--so I can totally do this Illuminati gig.

The "Real" iPad!

2010-01-28T10:15:00.000-05:00

The comedic geniuses over at MADtv must be high-fiving each other right now, thanks to this video they did a while back--well before the brand-new Apple iPad was a real product. Actually, I think the name is fine, but lots of folks are already snickering, if the buzz on Facebook and my local radio station are any indication.

I just about spewed my coffee over "vaginal firewall protection!" Hilarious, brilliant.

"Ugly Betty" Cancelled---Now Even MORE Reasons for Me to Be Grumpy!

2010-01-27T19:21:00.000-05:00

"Since when are we the last ones to know the juicy gossip?!"

Once again, one of my favorite shows is cancelled. I don't understand why people didn't watch "Ugly Betty." It was creative in so many ways, you never knew what was going to happen, the acting and writing were great; it was witty and smart, and it had REAL family values as opposed to other shows that supposedly promote such things but which are so screechingly awful that I want to poke my eyes out. What show incorporated so many actors of varying ages, from teens to senior adults? What show included such contemporary story lines without seeming preachy or contrived? Most of all, what show reveled in its overall gayness without being political about it?

This is worse than when Henry got that other girl pregnant!

Some story lines had struggled recently, but I had hopes for this current season, which I thought was off to a very satisfying start. I mean, I almost literally cried when Matt and Betty broke up the other week! (I'm sure that didn't have anything to do with my own relationship, but whatever...)

Oh, you know Hilda is NOT happy about this!

"Ugly Betty" has always been a wonderful breath of fresh air. I love all the characters, which were so multi-dimensional, unlike so many other shows where the bad girl is always unrealistically bad and the good girl is always so mind-numbingly perfect. How dull. But on "Ugly Betty," you both love AND hate Wilhelmina. You cheer when Amanda is daffy AND when she's surprisingly smart. You love it when Marc is Queen Bitch and when he's Mr. Softie. Of course, you love it when Betty completely screws up and when she saves the day.

"I want to know who's responsible for this fiasco!"

Meanwhile, complete crap like "The Biggest Loser" and "Jersey Shore" soar to ratings Heaven (I'm not even including links!). Sure, maybe "Loser" is inspirational for some, but it's all so voyeuristic. I fully support people getting healthy, but I don't consider it entertaining to watch it happen. In fact, I think a lot of people watch that show only so they can say, "Well, at least I'm not THAT fat." And that is sad.

And we were just getting to know the scrumptious Adam Rodriguez--damn!

So--here's to "Ugly Betty!" I hope they pull out all the stops for this final season--and ABC will lose one more viewer...

My Grumpy Pants Are On Waaaay Too Tight!

2010-01-26T20:27:00.002-05:00

Boy, am I grumpy today. Had to control my temper in the grocery store after way too many slooooow people with carts got in my way!

And I know why I'm grumpy--but, *yawn*, it's the same ol', same ol'. And usually, thinking ahead to some sort of ritual provides a welcome distraction--but not right now. Next Monday is Imbolc, the mid-point between winter and spring. I always try and celebrate these moments in some way that helps me reconnect to the Earth, to the changing seasons. So this photo here, with the candles in the snow, reminds me that the light is returning soon.

But not even this is taking my mind off work, money, relationships, health--you name it!
Arrrgh! Grrrowl!

McCain Women Break Ranks to Support Gay Marriage

2010-01-21T18:58:00.000-05:00

Believe it or not, both mom and daughter are now coming out against California's Prop 8 that stripped the state's gay and lesbian couples of their right to marry. Meghan McCain (below) had previously stated her support for gay couples to marry, and now mom Cindy (top) has done the same! And they're both appearing in "NoH8" ads to show their support. Cindy, of course, has been botoxed and airbrushed to within an inch of her life, almost disappearing into the white background--but I digress. I, for one, appreciate the support. It seems more women "get" gay marriage than men. Naturally, ol' "Mister Magoo" himself, John McCain, is still against it. Makes me wonder how that dinner conversation went when Cindy first broke the news. Oh, to be a fly on the wall of even one of their mansions...

I love what Meghan M said recently: "Marriage equality is not just a Democrat or Republican issue, it is a human one." I hope she's had the opportunity to look dear ol' dad in the face and say, "Daaaad--you're, like, soooooo out of touch!"

My Quest to Join the Illuminati: Steps 9-12

2010-01-21T10:18:00.000-05:00

Halfway there! By the way, I've been working on Step #6 (Join the Masons). I'm casually including my interest in conversation, just in case I might stumble over a real Mason. Mostly, people just laugh and talk about the Shriner's--I guess because they wear those funny hats.

Photo: Please note, these are NOT Masons--and I refuse to join any organization, no matter how sinister, that makes me ride in miniature cars wearing a fez!

But I'm also researching the Masons, and the info isn't as exciting as I had hoped. Apparently, the "original" Masons don't allow conversations on religion or politics! Now where's the fun in that?

So, steps 9-12 of 18.

9) Join a coven or magickal group.

Easy! Now that I completed that shamanic mystery school last year, I'm in deep! Done.

10) Find your way into the circles of the elite.

I also got this one. One of my jobs includes editing for a publishing company whose CEO runs a major national charity and has high-level government connections. I live only a few miles from this person, have been to the home a few times and we're on a first-name basis.

11) While with the elite, cautiously demonstrate your ambition and inclination toward the occult.

Another easy one. I already do this--you can't exactly tell everyone you know that you're a shaman!

12) Build a group of "slaves."

Hmmm--don't have any slaves yet but it does sound like fun. I'll get right to work with the oppression!

Only 6 more steps to go to Illuminati prominence! Ooooh, I hope they have cool ceremonies and pins.

Daily Distraction: Ian Somerhalder

2010-01-20T16:20:00.001-05:00

Believe it or not, I never watched "Lost," but I am a huge fan of Ian Somerhalder's newest show, "The Vampire Diaries," where he plays irresistible bad-boy vamp Damon. It's those eyes....

What's At the End of the Rainbow?

2010-01-19T20:49:00.000-05:00

A Moravian church! How about that! After my last post, someone sent me this photo of the Emmaus Moravian Church in the U.S. Virgin Islands. Not only is this a beautiful setting but there's a little history for those interested (see link in previous sentence). Just thought it was a wonderful photo and wanted to share.

Shamans, Moravians--and how the Universe Connects It All Together

2010-01-17T23:07:00.002-05:00

Do you ever feel like things suddenly fit together perfectly, like Lego blocks? I don't always feel that way, but there are some things going on right now in my life that seem to be connected in rather unexpected ways.

So I met earlier today with the local student who wants me to serve as a mentor for her high school graduation project on shamanism. We talked over what she could research, what she would like to learn and so on. Ultimately, she has to make the decision, but hopefully, I've helped guide her in a direction that will be exciting and beneficial.

I met the girl's mother and older sister, too. Very nice folks--and very open-minded, too. I'm sure it isn't every day your child comes home and says they want to do a project on shamanism! But during the conversation, I discover the family is Moravian. Now, what are Moravians, you ask? Some weird pagan cult? Actually, they're the oldest Protestant Christian denomination (predating Martin Luther)--and my mother's family is Moravian!

Most people, even Christians, have never heard of Moravians. Which is a shame because this group paved the way for so many. But they're not big proselytizers, and there's only 1 local Moravian church where I live. So to meet other Moravians is rather rare and interesting all by itself. However, the other week I felt compelled to do some research into Moravians, and at the time, I really couldn't explain why. But earlier today, my research paid off and it entered my conversation with this family as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Instantly, I had a special bond with these folks--and if it did nothing more than put the student's family at ease, well, that's good enough for me. But then the older sister--who's just returned from a Moravian missionary stint in Costa Rica--tells me of a Moravian minister she knows who has a particular interest in shamanism, and she acts as if it's the most normal thing in the world! Hmmm, maybe there's more I need to learn about this ancestral religion of mine. And it certainly pays to listen to spirit.

The Illuminati Connection!

Ok, now this is totally tongue-in-cheek--but Moravians may even have an Illuminati connection! It seems one Illuminati group sprang up in the Bavarian region of Germany back in the 1700s. Well, guess where my mother's family is from! Her great-great-great (add several more) grandfather came from Bavaria 'round about this time, and he was Moravian--OMG! Come on, think about it: A little-known Protestant sect survives by going underground for centuries, was once called the "Czech Brethren," re-emerges to come to the New World, and although few people have heard of Moravians, their symbols--Christmas stars (see below), cookies and Lovefeasts--are widely known.

I even think the Rosicrucians have roots in Germany, too. Wow, so what is it about Germany and secret societies?

If You Haven't Helped Haiti Yet ...

2010-01-16T11:10:00.000-05:00

Consider donating to help earthquake victims through Doctors Without Borders. They do really good work, so I made a small donation myself. To donate, click on the DWB widget at right or click here.

Blessings

My Quest to Join the Illuminati: Steps 5-8

2010-01-13T22:12:00.001-05:00

Continuing with my quest, let's look at where I stand on steps 5-8 (of the 18 I mentioned in my last post).

5) Incorporate Illuminati symbolism into everything you do.

Easy! See me giving the "all-seeing eye" above, and I've added one to the sidebar. Plus, I have the CD of that Illuminati puppet herself, Lady Gaga, in my pick-up.

6) Like anyone with ambitions of world domination, join the Masons.

To be perfectly honest, I have wondered a lot lately about what it would be like to be a Mason, plus I do love ritual and fancy outfits. So, never say never!

7) Join any other occult group with a degree system like the Rosicrucians and work your way up the ladder.

The Rosicrucians have always fascinated me--and they even have a park! That's right, in plain ol' San Jose, California. Did you know that the Rosicrucians originated in Germany? Which is were my mother's family is from--OMG! (And that isn't the only Germany connection...) Plus, I have just learned that an acquaintance of mine is the Grand Councilor for the state where I live! So yeah, this one will be easy.

8) Study mystery religions and occult practices.

Well, duh--shamanism! Done. That was easy--I'm well on my way to Illuminati prominence!

"Will You Be My Shaman Mentor?"

2010-01-13T11:41:00.001-05:00

That's what the voice on the other end of the phone asked me. A local student found me through my minister Web site, and she wants me to serve as a mentor for her graduation project on shamanism. How cool is that! Of course, I said yes.

And I was just sitting here feeling sorry for myself for various reasons. And so the Universe steps in. Interesting. The student has to have her project approved first before we begin any of the work--but how amazing is it that someone so young is interested in shamanism! Stay tuned.

Can You Ever Go Home Again?

2010-01-12T15:06:00.000-05:00

Maybe that's a cliche title, but it's where my head is right now. Things with my partner are going well, actually, and we're preparing to sell the house (painting, etc). Over the weekend, we took a walk through the old Grove, down the trail a ways and to the creek. We went as far as a footbridge before turning around. The walk was nice--but what stuck with me were my emotions about the land itself.

If you've been a follower of mine for any length of time, you know how special the Grove was to me and how difficult it was to actually move out. But it's odd--going to the house doesn't stir up as many emotions as the land itself does. When I moved, I said goodbye and essentially thanked the land for all it had taught me. You may think that's crazy, and that's fine. You simply didn't experience it as I did.

So there we were, standing on the footbridge and looking down into the creek--and it's as if I knew I couldn't go any farther into the Grove. It felt like something was closed off, and the thought of me walking farther into those woods felt like a trespass. That surprised me. It was on that same footbridge 5 years that I had first felt the pull of the woods again, felt the pull of nature's spirit like I hadn't in decades. But whatever spirit(s) greeted me then and opened my eyes to a new way of living are gone now, or at the least, they have nothing else to say to me.

My partner and I may work things out, but regardless, we'll have to move. Part of me wants to hang on to the land, too, but what good would it do? Can't force it. Can't pretend. The next step lies elsewhere, and I assume it's there that I will find home again.

Ta-Da!

2010-01-11T21:34:00.001-05:00

Here's the new look for the blog! Love it? Hate it? I'm diggin the stars, and the colors feel right--plus, I kinda like the tractor. It reminds me of that Kenny Chesney song. But I do care if it's hard to read, so if it is, please let me know.

Now I just have to upload all my widgets again!

And if you're looking for a new look yourself, check out Pyzam.com.

My Quest to Join the Illuminati: Steps 1-4

2010-01-11T16:52:00.002-05:00

"Illuminati" by artist Daniel Martin Diaz

Already I've become obsessed with this whole secret society thing. Do they really exist and do they really exert any kind of control or influence? Or--just maybe this is what THEY wanted all along, and their evil mind control powers are already at work on me! Discuss.

So, gentle visitor and author Dantalion Jones commented on one of my posts and noted the 18 steps that one should take to join the Illuminati (originally from author JK Ellis--or, are these 2 the same person?). It seemed to me that these 18 steps were shared in jest, so with that same spirit, I thought I'd have a little fun and see just how close I can come to joining the Illuminati. (And I'm sure that the number 18 is magickal in and of itself, you know, 9 + 9 = 18 and 1 & 8 = 9, so I'm sure all those 9s symbolize some great mind control thingy. I'm lacking in the numerology department.)

Here we go:

1) Be patient and take the long view of things. The Illuminati is, if nothing else, patient with its goal of world domination.

Easy one. Everyone I know says I have patience to spare. Done!

2) Start your own form of Illuminati group that models everything you know about the so-called "real" Illuminati. Your members should want power, money, control and domination while simultaneously keeping their influence hidden.

Another easy one. Most bloggers I know fit this category! We create our own little words, control who gets to post and rule with an iron fist! And we're anonymous. Done!

3) Study up on what the paranoid conspiracy theorists say about the Illuminati, and learn as much as you can.

I've seen "Angels and Demons," and I'm a fan of Lady Gaga--so, done!

4) Get a degree from Harvard and join the Skull and Bones Society (because, you know, anyone who's anyone in the Illuminati have these connections).

Hmm, this will take some creativity. I can't afford Harvard, however, I do have 2 friends who graduated from Princeton, which is sorta the same thing, so maybe they'll help me out. And I have 2 degrees of my own, so I can sound real smart. Plus, when I was a child, my friends and I created this secret club called (no lie) The Secret X Club, and we totally made our other friends "interview" before they could officially join. Which, I'm sure, is sorta like Skull and Bones--so I'm confident that I can fudge this part of the Illuminati application. (And for the record--no, I never would've let George W join MY secret society! The Secret X Club had very high standards.)

That's a good start, don't you think? Stay tuned to see how I rank on the next several steps!

More of Lady Gaga's Bad Romance with ... SATAN!

2010-01-08T17:47:00.000-05:00

Yep, more pop stars in league with Satan. Couldn't pass this one up. It's sinfully delicious! What makes it so funny are the misspellings throughout the video. I mean, if someone is bright enough to expose Gaga's dealings with Beelzebub, wouldn't you think they could also spell correctly? Maybe it's just me...

As far as I'm concerned, if the Haus of Gaga is really some kind of Satanic cult, well, sign me up! But it all reminds me of crap I used to hear about rock music while growing up in a Christian school. Look, if all of this were true, why hasn't Satan destroyed us yet? Guess even Lucifer himself can't get good help these days.

Wanted: Job with the Illuminati or Other Well-Connected World Conspiracy

2010-01-08T17:28:00.001-05:00

If you don't lurk in certain darkened corners of the Net like I tend to do, you may not be aware of the static being generated by a few pop stars and their videos, particularly Lady Gaga and Jay-Z. Seems people either think they're brainwashing us all with secret, sinister Masonic or Illuminati symbols. Or, like over at The Secret Sun, it's all just talentless pop stars being managed by more intelligent handlers who are exploiting said symbolism for money.

The Wild Hunt offers some good details, including this video--which proposes such sloppy connections that it's laughable.

But wait--that's their PLAN, isn't it!? To make us think they're foolish and harmless--that's how the brainwashing works!

Seriously, all I know is that Gaga and Jay-Z have gobs of money, so if the Illuminati or the Masons are looking for extras, call me. I'm available. Because whatever mojo you guys have seems to be working. Has for centuries, right? Use me, abuse me, make me rich! Or at least we'll have fun scaring all the Muggles!

Call me....

A Much Prettier Face!

2010-01-07T10:28:00.000-05:00

Ok, so the photo from my last post was starting to really creep me out. I kept thinking of it sitting there, staring out at you, my dear readers, and causing you to click away. Well, we simply cannot have that! So I give you my new husband, Kellan Lutz, a la "Twilight" fame. (Well, I CAN dream, can't I?)

And yes, i'm bored. Not much to report. Working, eating, sleeping--which, I suppose, is just fine. Could be much worse!

And Speaking of Makeovers...

2010-01-04T17:06:00.000-05:00

Stay tuned because the ol' blog here is going to get a new look soon. What the hell--it's a new year, and I seem to have renewed energy. I've been checking out some templates, so we'll see. Don't know how long it will take to set up, but I hope it's refreshing and, in the end, not too annoying!

Ministry, Maintenance and Makeovers

2010-01-04T01:46:00.000-05:00

In case you haven't noticed, I haven't posted much lately. It's all too tedious to go into, but I have been busy with other things.

Rev. Riverwolf hasn't officiated at any other weddings, but I did perform a house blessing a few days before Christmas. It went really well, the family was super-nice, and we ended with homemade chilli and champagne! I am so enjoying this ritual work, and it's becoming a wonderful source of joy in my life.

At home, I've set up what you might call altars, although I don't like that word since I'm not worshipping anything. They're more like photos really, representing the 4 elements and 4 cardinal directions. I need to add a few more touches for South/Fire and North/Air, but they're helpful daily reminders of my connections to the natural world and my place in it. Also did some organizing of my space where I keep all my ritual tools and objects. It feels much more energized now--and I really need some sort of name for it, like "chapel," or "temple"--something like that, but it needs to be more intimate and personal. I'm sure there's a word for it out there. Any suggestions? I'm also reading and researching.

On the relationship front, things are improving with my partner. He's made some changes, and I'm making some myself. We're both nicer to each other, we're listening and communicating--and I think I have hope this might work out. Part of me worries it might still be too late, but I guess we'll see. No rush.

Otherwise, trying to see movies and friends, and work is work, blah, blah. Thanks for indulging me!

I Think I'm Becoming a Night Owl (or maybe Mothman?)

2010-01-04T00:21:00.000-05:00

Here I sit, Diet Pepsi in my hand, typing away after midnight. I've already been to bed and even finished a good book. But my mind is ablaze! It kneads a mixture of to-do items for tomorrow as well as greater spiritual chunks that you can't fully digest while lying in bed. This is becoming a habit. I can't seem to get up in the mornings, but I want to stay awake all night.

My energy pattern has obviously shifted. I used to rise early and love to get lots of things done before hardly anyone else was awake. Now that's more of a goal than a reality. Instead I like to sit outside at night on my apartment stairs and gaze up at the stars, or just lie in bed and think without ever getting sleepy. And that's what's odd--I'm not even tired!

So am I turning into a creature that only comes out at night? You know, a cat, an opposum or maybe an owl? Supposedly they develop enhanced smell and hearing (I'll let you know). Maybe a moth, which have always creeped me out. I know--a vampire!

Well, it's all well and good--but I still have to work in the morning!

Crazy Rev. Fred Phelps Closet Fan of Lady Gaga

2009-12-28T22:11:00.001-05:00

If you go with the argument that those who doth protest too much against gays are probably gay themselves--then, Rev. Fred Phelps must be one helluva Lady Gaga fan. He's so entranced by her magic that he's going to start protesting her concerts! I say, Congrats Gaga!--you know you've achieved real fame when Phelps and his band of religious misfits show up at your events.

Here's what Phelps had to say about Our Lady:
"God hates Lady Gaga. ... As much as she'd like to pretend otherwise, there's nothing new or different about this particular hussy's pretentious prancing. Does the simple slut truly think that she can change God's standards by seducing a generation of rebels into joining her in fist-raised, stiffnecked, hard-hearted rebellion against Him? Get real!"

Now, don't you just know Gaga is going to make this part of her quirky freak show!

And what do you mean by "simple slut?!" Seriously, Gaga is ANYTHING but simple. Ha-ha.

Just look at her outfit above--it's perfectly obvious that she's channeling the mighty and ancient Celtic god Cernunnos! I'd watch my back if I were you, Phelps!

Thinking of Renewal at Winter Solstice

2009-12-21T22:36:00.000-05:00

So 'round we go once again. Today marks the shortest day of the year, when the Northern Hemisphere is positioned such that the least amount of the sun's heat and light reaches us. And then, slowly, the earth orbits the sun so that a little bit more of the sun gets to us each day, until we reach the longest day of the year in Summer 2010. I mark this day because it reminds me that I live on this tiny planet in this great, big, enormous universe--dependent on titled, orbiting planets and blazing stars that are cool enough not to bake us alive but warm enough so we don't freeze solid either. A little farther toward the sun or a little farther out, and that would be our story.

The Winter Solstice is a time for renewal, and this year I hope for renewed personal energy. I just don't have much enthusiasm--or patience!--for anything. And I also wish for a renewal of my relationship with my partner--meaning, that if anything is going to happen, if it's going to last, if it's worth saving, then now is the time. I may be crazy, but I still hope. He and I have enjoyed a good couple of days together, and that's made this season more special. We're working on renewal--and with that in mind, I'll share a short reading that i used in the solstice ceremony which we did together earlier this evening.

"Snow and ice have cooled our minds,

Cold winds have blown away our fertile thoughts,

Silent night have stilled our tongues.

Like the bear, the fox and the toad,

Our creativity hibernates without the warmth of the sun.

Come to us now, Inspiration, as the sun returns!

As the sun grows in strength,

So may the fire in our hearts!"

Happy Solstice everyone! Here's to renewal.

Tim Burton's "Alice in Wonderland" Trailer

2009-12-17T15:58:00.000-05:00

I can't wait!

Fading from Darkness to Light

2009-12-15T19:07:00.000-05:00

Whether you call it Advent or Solstice or even something else, this time of year typically is about light returning to the world. That may be Christ being born and bringing hope for salvation, or it may mean the wheel has once again turned and spring is on its way. Regardless, it's a hopeful time. I like that.

I also like this image. It was designed for a Christmas card by a guy in the U.K. named Johnny Baker. It feels wholly modern while still invoking something ancient and timeless.

Wishing y'all the best of the season.

Twinkle, Twinkle, LOTS of Stars: out searching for inspiration

2009-12-11T20:39:00.001-05:00

Despite the December chill and my general malaise about life, I pushed myself out the door and drove to the observatory at the local community college where they have free public stargazing on Friday evenings. And I'm so glad I did! Bundled in coats, gloves, hats and scarves, a number of brave souls stared up into the night sky.

I found the constellation Cassiopeia (see above) all by myself, and then the lead stargazer pointed out that the bright object to the south of the observatory was the planet Jupiter. Then we each got to see it a bit closer through the telescope (enlarged to about the size of a pencil eraser, and you could just make out the planet's cloudy bands!).

Next we saw a double star; one shone a hot blue and the other a cooler yellow. The colors were very distinct.

We viewed a variety of star clusters. Some were easy to make out while others were farther away and a bit fuzzy. But just knowing that one of those fuzzy clusters contained more than 1 million stars and was thousands of light years away blew my mind. I mean, I know all this stuff is out there, but to actually see it and try to wrap you head around it is a trip.

Then I realized my ears were going numb! But I did catch 2 planetary nebulae, with one called the Ring Nebula.

Then I headed back to my truck and fired up the heat! But it was worth the chill to fill my day with a little wonder, which has been sorely lacking. And to think I'd never visited the observatory before. Well, that needs to change.

And so I headed home--after a quick pit stop for some yummy hot chocolate.

"Your Johnnie Walker Eyes"

2009-12-06T09:13:00.000-05:00

"I can’t believe how you looked at me
With your Johnnie Walker eyes.

He’s gonna get you, and after he’s through
There’s gonna be no love left to rye."

--"Speechless," by Lady Gaga

Foolish, Blind and Torn

2009-12-05T16:27:00.001-05:00

Post-Thanksgiving Thankfulness

2009-11-29T21:13:00.001-05:00

Because of the recent split with my partner, I was dreading the Thanksgiving holiday. However, things turned out well, in spite of all my worrying and fretting. My partner and I traditionally cook for my family--and he offered to do so again this year. I talked this over with some friends, and everyone said, "It's only lunch." Our counselor also suggested that, if we're serious about working on our relationship, we need to spend as much time together, especially during the holidays.

Well, Thanksgiving was great--good food, and no one had to get smacked with a drumstick! Also, the night before, I bought tickets for me and my partner to see the Trans-Siberian Orchestra in concert. Wow--way cool! Loved their Christmas show--and I think it made the heart in this ol' Grinchy Claus grow a whole 2 sizes that day!

Also managed to get in some leisurely, refreshing walks, a great motorcycle ride earlier today--and finished stripping wallpaper from one of the bathrooms. So much to be thankful for: good food, close friends and family, health, freedom to spend time as I choose, great fall weather, music and so on. There is still much in my life that is uncertain, but I can see that despite the uncertainty, I still have much for which to be thankful. I hope your holiday was as refreshing.

Which "Twilight" Guy Is YOUR Favorite?

2009-11-24T16:32:00.000-05:00

Ok, time for something totally fun and distracting! Which "Twilight" star do you think is the cutest? Now, I'm very specific on this--even though I haven't read the books nor seen any of the films (I know--way behind the times). I'll say right off that I don't think star Robert Pattinson is good-looking AT ALL! That's right, I've said it. His "Twilight" character may be something else entirely, but off-set, he has this not-so-bright expression, looks vaguely indigent and his teeth are oddly shaped.

But that's just me. Taylor Lautner is sexy, sure--but his nose reminds me of a pug, and everything else about his face is all squished together. But then there's Mr. Kellan Lutz--swoon--who gets barely any press but totally makes me weak in the knees.!

So, who does it for you? Leave your comments below.

Robert Pattinson, who plays lead vampire Edward?

Taylor Lautner, who plays Jacob the werewolf?

Or Kellan Lutz, who I WISH could be my adopted brother/vampire!

More Cherokee and a Poem

2009-11-24T10:59:00.000-05:00

If the Universe (or whatever you call it) repeatedly sends things your way, I suppose it means, "Pay attention!" Right? This past weekend, I heard about and attended a short--and FREE!--teaching circle given by a Cherokee man in a nearby town. Even though I live not far from ancestral Cherokee land, we don't get that many here in the big city. You may remember that, back in September, I actually went to Cherokee, NC, and attended a workshop there. (Didn't blog much about it, but maybe it's better that way.)

So, again, Cherokee stuff. I was curious to compare what this man said with the teachings I received in September. Well, their teachings both had in common the same tone--and I'm still digesting everything I heard. Having now listened to 2 different Cherokee teachers, they were both very indirect, just offering what they had and letting it help whomever it was designed to help. (What--no Powerpoints?) So I don't have much to say except that I'm keeping it mainly to myself. I'm feeling more and more that some spiritual teachings aren't meant to be shared right away. I did enjoy the ritual as well as the drumming and the short "dreaming" that the teacher led (what I would call my shamanic journey or meditation).

The second repetition was this: The teacher read a poem by Oriah Mountain Dreamer, a Canadian woman (not of Native descent) who is a writer and storyteller. The poem is titled "The Invitation," and I first discovered just a few months ago while researching readings for one of the weddings. When I first read it, I cried because it expressed so well many of the emotions I felt for my partner. With all the changes that we've been through, things will never be the same for us--even if we do reunite. This poem said so many of the things I longed to say but didn't know how. So I sent him a copy. And then this Cherokee man reads it this past Friday to start our teaching circle--and my partner was with me! I asked him about the poem, what he thought of it. He's a man of few words now; he said he liked it but that he would have to ask me more about it later. And that's his way, which is fine. Spirit moved me to send it, so I did.

Thought I'd reprint it here. "The Invitation":

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for,
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love,
for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon.
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow,
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals,
or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain,
mine or your own,
without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy,
mine or your own,
if you can dance with wildness, and let the ecstasy fill you

to the tips of your fingers and toes,
without cautioning us to be careful,
to be realistic,

to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true.
I want to know if you can disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty, every day.
And if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure,
yours and mine,
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me to know where you live
or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair,
weary and bruised to the bone,
and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you from the inside,
when all else falls away.

I want to knowif you can be alone with yourself,
and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

Friday Night's Dream

2009-11-22T20:20:00.000-05:00

Friday night's dream really stood out to me for some reason. I saw both a black dog and a black panther, and when animals appear in my dreams, I pay attention. That's how I became "Riverwolf" a few years ago. I've decided not to interpret the dream here. Instead I'll merely describe what happened, and then note some possible meanings taken from Ted Andrews' "Animal Speak" (a favorite).

The dream itself was short. I walked into my home, and a big black dog came (resembled this one above) out to greet me. It was friendly, and I was surprised because I don't have a dog, and so I wondered how it got inside. But I was pleasantly surprised to see the dog. It wagged its tail and sat on the floor and was excited to see me. But then I realized I really didn't want this dog in my home, so I opened the back door and tried to make it leave. That's when the dog morphed into a black panther! Its ears went flat and it growled a bit, letting me know that it didn't want to leave. I backed off, with the feeling that I would have to deal with this animal a bit differently. I remained calm--and that was it! Dream over.

Dogs
So, in Andrews' book, dogs symbolize faithfulness and protection. In some cultures, they also symbolize motherhood or are guardians of the dead. Andrews notes that it takes a lot to break a dog's loving spirit, even when it is abused. Its willingness to be a companion is great. He suggests asking questions such as: What does this say about your need for or lack of companionship? Are you showing unconditional love or receiving it? Do you need to be more protective of your territory? Do you need to play a little more?

Panthers
There's a lot on panthers, particularly black ones. In general, they symbolize reclaiming one's own power, and black panthers have a lunar and a feminine significance. Their arrival initiates a time of awakened sensuality and passion. These cats also symbolize darkness, death and rebirth, helping us to understand the powers inherent in each of these stages, thereby eliminating our fears. Panthers bring guardian energy. It may imply that an old issue (particularly sexual ones) may finally be resolved or healed. Panthers symbolize moving from mere poles of existence to a new life without poles or barriers; unconscious urges and abilities are awakened. They also mark a time of emerging from a heroic test of suffering, wandering or destruction. They also signal it's time to confront areas of our lives that have been "painted over." The theme of reclaiming one's own power continues, as panther tells us we'll recover our power from whatever has hidden it in our lives, and it will be replaced with something greater, stronger and more beneficial. The panther symbolizes mastery over all dimensions. A new turn is coming in our path, an opportunity to go beyond what has been imagined through discipline and control. The spirit of imminent rebirth.

So wow--lot's to think about! Anyone care to interpret??

Lessons of the Lotus

2009-11-19T09:58:00.000-05:00

I love to ponder why certain images or themes continue to pop up in various places and situations. Like the lotus flower, above. I've never seen a real one, but if you pause long enough, you can find lotus flowers everywhere, in art, architecture and literature. And they're a sacred symbol in many religions: Buddhism, ancient Egypt, Hinduism, Brahmanism, Zorastrianism and even ancient Mayan beliefs. Why is this?

If that all seems musty and dusty, consider that one of the most expensive cars you can buy today is called Lotus. A car and a flower are very different things, but obviously, someone in a marketing department somewhere thought that the symbolism long associated with the lotus would appeal to a certain elite clientele who could afford rare, luxury cars.

And here's a beautiful example of lotus symbolism in architecture, a Bahai temple located in India.

Across various cultures, the lotus symbolizes the best human ideals and concepts: purity, enlightenment, the human heart, the sun, creation, divine birth or rebirth, knowledge and cosmic harmony.

Again, why is this? I'm fixated on the lotus because of the daily meditation that I've been doing. It's a Buddhist meditation or chant called simply "Jewel in the Lotus Flower." The 6 syllables--"om, mani, padme, hum"--are rich with spiritual symbolism. As I understand it, this chant can assist in transforming our individual essence into a more enlightened state--that of the Buddha nature. The lotus is the perfect symbol because it grows under murky water but eventually reveals a beautiful, delicate flower. The opening bloom represents the opening of our Buddha nature as it flowers. That bright center of the flower is considered the "jewel" and represents our individual spiritual potential.

Well, I have a long way to go before I get all flowery and enlightened! Being the skeptic that I am, I don't know if this chant will do anything for me--but the romantic in me recognizes the beauty and purity embedded therein. There are certainly worse things for which to strive. And it helps me to think that the murkiness in which I currently find myself might one day subside to reveal something of beauty and light.

I read somewhere that "om, mani, padme, hum" can be translated as "I am in you and you are in me," revealing how interconnected we all are--whether we realize it or not. And not just us as individuals--but how we are connected to the plants and animals, the stars and comets, and how they are connected to us. This continues to be important for me to realize and integrate into my daily life.

So pay attention to nature. It has lots to teach us.

Check here to read more about lotus symbolism.

Hump Day Humdrums

2009-11-18T19:41:00.000-05:00

Maybe writing will help me work out some things today and keep me from descending any further into self pity (not a pretty thing).

Couples therapy is actually going well with my partner, and today I was really missing him--even though I saw him last night, and we have plans to have dinner Friday night. But everything seems so difficult. Allow me to elaborate:

1. Money is scarce, and there are some small things I'd like to do around my apartment to make it feel more like home, but I feel I can't spend the money. Every decision feels like I'm weighing whether to eat or pay the rent. I actually helped my sister out--which I suppose I should be thankful that I was able to do--and I'm still waiting to get paid for my last wedding. Even the counseling, which has been so helpful, is costing more than I feel I can afford.

2. My energy level is at an all-time low. I'm not walking in the mornings, although I am doing short meditations. I'm not attending any of my other regular exercise classes either--and I'm starting to feel it! I'd rather just come home, get into my robe and chill with some DVDs. Working is difficult (except for my ministerial work, fortunately), and it's a challenge to get out of the bed every day and focus on the tasks at hand.

3. Emotions are volatile, unpredictable. One minute I'm feeling positive and upbeat, the next I'm crying my eyes out. Which is not normal for me. One minute I want to see friends, and the next I want to be left alone. Then, one moment I'll feel like my partner and I will be reunited, and the next I never want to see him again.

4. Spiritually, I'm feeling good, but I feel like I could be doing more. Reading and meditating more, for example, or getting outdoors. I'm probably being too hard on myself, but I feel like this time I now have is precious, and I don't want to squander it. At times, everything I'm going through seems to make sense and have a purpose on some level--and at other times I feel like a complete loony fool.

I'm just a great big ball of anxiety and insecurity! I'm so ready to emerge from all this, to feel energized again, engaged with the world again. Is that too much to ask?

So, how was your day?

All this "New Age" Stuff Isn't Just Hooey--That, or my Therapist Is Bribing Someone

2009-11-12T16:21:00.000-05:00

Healthy skepticism is always good--but sometimes you just gotta believe! Feeling low and needing clarity, I decided to book an appointment to have my chakras balanced. The idea is that your personal energy centers can get out of whack, revealing areas you need to work on. A perfect balance is the ideal, but you gotta work on it to get there. I may be skeptical but I figure if it helps in some way, what's the harm?

Well, I'm a believer now. Yesterday I was lying on the table with 2 people working on my chakras, thinking "this is silly." Afterwards, however, I was surprised when they nailed all my little idiosyncracies right on their pointy little heads! Mainly, they said my throat chakra was completely blocked and they couldn't open it! Traditionally, that chakra connects to your creativity, your intuition and your ability to "speak your truth"--all areas I seriously need help with.

Earlier that day, I had lunch with friends, and we had discussed this very challenge, of how difficult it is for me to communicate truthfully, to say what I want and so on. After my chakra balancing, that truth sank in a little deeper. It reminded me of the insight I had over a year ago when I was seeing a therapist to help with various issues. That insight was that I'm trying to find my own voice--and I sorely need to do so in order to be happy.

Then today, my partner and I go for our joint counseling session (different therapist). It's only my 2nd time seeing this woman and she tells me plainly that my main challenge/barrier is to not back down in voicing my own opinions and in expressing my own needs and requirements. Um, throat chakra, anyone?

Ok, universe, I get the message!